#like i know ppl get crushes on their teachers it's just so concerning that kids are paying money to blaze posts where they advertise
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im not going to share ops blog name bc they're still in HS (unless the entire blog is just a bit, which is its own thing) but this was blazed to me and like. i have never seen a more concerning thing be blazed to me
#like i know ppl get crushes on their teachers it's just so concerning that kids are paying money to blaze posts where they advertise#a community about liking older men like PLEASE#please don't do this
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When I was a tween, it was not only an expectation but a pressure for you to have some kind of celebrity crush. Failure to comply or know yours off the top of your head meant you were either lame, and to be mocked, or gay (derogatory) and also to be mocked.
I've always been bad at names and, honestly, didn't see the hype. Despite my grandmother being really into celeb drama, I could never keep up or bring myself to care. I liked the characters some actors played but I didn't know... anything about the actors themselves, so I didn't see any appeal. In a last ditch attempt to fit in, I remember using my money for the scholastic bookfaire to buy a book on "Hollywood's Hottest Guys" and resolved to pick one from there to hold onto as my crutch. Ultimately, I picked Orlando Bloom, bcs I liked Pirates of the Carribean and Will & Elizabeth were my favorite romance in anything ever. Jokingly, I still consider him my "celebrity beard crush." (In Retrospect, I was WAY more into Kiera Knightly.)
The earliest male fictional character I can remember having a crush on was Luxord, whose age I Do Not Know but I always assumed was somewhere in his early to mid forties. When I, as a wee kiddo, shipped my self-inserts with him they were vaguely early 20's. The Age gap was part of the appeal. I didn't really go after older guys though, it was like crushing on a celebrity. You thirst after the "safe" older guy that was never going to happen as an outlet for burgeoning hormones.
In movies you would always see girls with pictures of boybands or actors who were sometimes decades older than them. Boys had pinups or porno mags of women who were *definitely* at least twice their age. Teen Dramas had all kinds of tropes of crushing on substitute teachers or your older siblings' friends or just generally older, cooler people, ect, ect. They weren't often something that became canon in widely-watched shows because of concerns about teaching children the wrong things, but fanwork doesn't have the kind of broad, impressionable audience that someone just watching a live broadcasted TV stuff would.
These fantasies were normal, and accepted. I mean, yeah girls still got mocked for them a lot actually, but it was still assumed and expected that they were like that. It was IMPLICIT that these pubescent kids were having fantasies that were romantic or sexual in nature about people who were significantly older than them.
Stacy's Mom, a song about a teenage boy fantasizing about having a long term romantic and sexual relationship with one of their classmates' parents, fucking existed.
To this day, DILF and MILF and GILF are still popular terms. Statements like "fuck/breed/ect that old man/get that old man pregnant" are thrown around all the time.
So whenever I see ppl arguing about fictional age gap shipping, and how problematic it is for [older character] to get involved with [younger character] I can't help but think about all of the above. It's fiction, y'all. It's fantasies. Sometimes, the way it's phrased makes it sound like the RL person fantasizing is a predator, like the younger person is their target for the older one to enact their misogyny or barely legal fantasies/ect. ect.
Like, why is the assumption that it's about the younger character, and not that the younger character is a barely-concealed self-insert/projection field for the person to fantasize about getting to Fuck That Old [Insert gender of choice].
#ax rants#tbh even if the younger person is the âtargetâ it's usually more of âthey're both hot to me and I want them to fuck bcs I can fuck neitherâ#akin to lesbian fetishists but less harmful bcs they're not real.#tbh sometimes I feel like the less well written the older one is the more likely it is#like a manic pixie dream old person#bcs they're there to be objectified.#and it's a lens of fantasy that's familiar for the object of one's affections to be... well. more of an âobjectâ#It's still better imo when things are more equal but that doesn't make the alternative not something that appeals to ppl#just some musings that I think about often and decided to actually post for once lmao#*Statements in this post are broad and inevitably have exceptions#Shipping of fiction and fantasies is not endorsement of irl. But also age gaps IRL aren't that weird on their own#ESP when everyone is adults. There is a 10 year gap between my mother & stepdad.#Neither were looking for someone with that age difference but bonded over overlapping hobbies.#This shit happens ALL THE TIME.#There is a difference between this kind of relationship and genuinely concerning patterns of behavior
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â> GET TO KNOW ME
thanks for tagging me @hannikz <33
when is ur bday? 11/11
favourite colour? honestly canât pick but blue & yellow
any pets? no but i used to have three turtles
height? 161cm but ive probably grown a few centimetres since i last measured
how many pairs of shoes do u own? i have three pairs that donât fit anymore but i still keep them for some reason đ° and my three pairs of plain white sneakers and a pair of black loafers for school (donât ask me why i have so many) and three pairs of shoes i actually wear and a pair thatâs still in the shoe box not worn at all
favourite song(s)? island by youha, youâre on your own kid, daylight, death by a thousand cuts by taylor swift, the perfect pair by beabadoobee, farewell neverland and our summer by txt, shooting star by xg and a lot more i forgot about
favourite movie? i love coco, barbie and the 12 dancing princesses, clueless and Aladdin the live action
ideal partner? giggles minatozaki sana but she technically she doesnât know yet but like she technically kinda my wife already not delulu!!! also yang jungwon my side chick 𫶠ahem also alhaitham and xiao (without the angsty stuff) and ningguang sugar mommy đł
do u want children? no đ i donât ever plan of getting married at all rlly and 90% of children are annoying af
have u gotten in trouble with the law? ofc not
what colour socks r u wearing? navy with cat patterns
favourite music genre? I like anything rlly but mainly pop and i like bossa nova
how many pillows do u sleep with? one
what position do u sleep in? sideways usually facing the wall
smth u hate when sleeping? light and sounds im the type that has to sleep in complete darkness and silence
breakfast? usually just any kind of bread occasionally choco cakes with milk/choco milk/milk tea mixed with coffee
have u tried archery? no and iâd probably suck i canât even aim on roblox đ
favourite fruit? apples đ«¶
r u a good liar? i canât lie for my life well maybe sometimes if itâs for smith rlly serious
mbti? intp-t đ
innie or outie? going out if itâs with ppl i enjoy being with
leftie or rightie? rightieee
favourite food? very unhealthy but chicken nuggets and beef đ°
favourite foreign food? i have an unhealthy obsession with shrimp tempura đ€ and i love love love shabu shabu
r u clean or messy? usually clean but messy when im in a bad mood
favourite phrase? oh my god ig
how long do u take to get ready? approximately 15 mins if excluding my skincare routine and brushing my teeth and the time it takes for me to get out of bed but like including that itâs an hour im usually someone whoâd be like 20 minutes early so no rush
do u talk to yourself? a concerning amount the psych ward is calling for their missing patient
do u sing to yourself? yes a lot
r u good at singing? not at all đ
biggest fear? clowns, drowning, ghosts if real, serial killers, exams, my primary school class teachers (im telling u i was at the verge of tears every time they talked to me literal trauma), my science teacher last year, death and yeah pretty much most things
r u a gossip? definitely yes i gossip a lot
long or short hair? short hair like long hair is pretty but it seems rlly annoying
favourite subject? english cause im good at it
introvert or extrovert? introvert with strangers and ppl im not so close with but i suddenly become an extrovert with friends like I wouldnât be shy at all and would approach random ppl if i wanted to
what makes u nervous? everything i have really bad anxiety like the lift is slow? im gonna be late even if i was 20 minutes early. havenât done my assignments yet? the deadline is next month but still
whoâs ur first real crush? my 1st grade classmate we used to be friends for a while and then heâs now an ass so we donïżœïżœïżœt rlly talk anymore
how many piercings? two, one on each earlobe
how many tattoos? none ofc but i would love to have some when im older
how fast can u run? average speed? but i have great stamina like i could run 15 laps max at a moderate speed
what colour is ur hair? very dark brown in the dark but a chocolate light brown under light idk i had multiple ppl ask me if i dyed my hair before tho i didnât my mom says itâs bc of malnutrition
what colour are ur eyes? very dark brown almost black
what makes u angry? lots of things i have anger issues
do u like ur name? i used to hate it when i was younger bc itâs regularly used as a masculine name and i thought it was bad but now ive learnt to embrace it and itâs unique so great đ but I still not enjoy trying to explain it to ppl đ
would u like a boy or girl if u had a child? girl
what are ur strengths? being early and flee the facility on roblox im like rlly good at that game
what are ur weaknesses? mention one thing about a father figure and im done for
what is the colour of ur bedspread? i have no idea what that is but i googled and i still donât rlly understand but i think i have none sry my brain doesnât work
what colour is ur bedroom? well i have this really really light blue wall colour basically white at first glance and brown wood furniture
tagging (no pressure!!) @seungiepup @wonillaa @aerisfy @winteringdream @badmuni @yeniiverse @yenqa @hypesahi @jwonsociety
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Generation ep 7 live blog
Thoughts on last episode; happy little gays but Chester is irritating me with his teacher situation. Bus broke down and that sucks, but hey detours sometimes can be nice.
Let's get going on this episode:
This is sweet and heart warming, she wants this baby to have a great life even though she cannot provide for them.
Ooo they are sharing a room đ they are gonna make friendship bracelets right? To be honest I hope they just talk maybe a little kiss or two because they haven't really, that we've seen, talked about if they are going to do more than just flirt.
This soundtrack again is sick. I love it.
That stain does not look like Jesus.
I hate that these two are always on a roof and close to the ledge. It makes me highly concerned everytime and I'm just dreading and waiting for one of them to slip. I know that would end up a new plot device because of certain producers involved but I really hope they stay safe. I also hate Chester making moves on this teacher. It's weird, it was weird when I saw it happen in highschool as a student and I still find that shit absolutely stomach churning.
I do love having a black queer guy for a lead character, I really do even when Chester is being a mess. Which I'm just saying he and Jules would make great acquaintances.
Maybe just maybe his isn't going to be a terrible class trip even though they never made it to San Francisco.
They look like that because she's pregnant.
Wtf is wrong with this girl, scamming make a wish? ew they are licking the toilet ew ew ew
That's a Heavn by Marc Jacobs shirt.
He's gonna kiss both his crushes ummmm what, bro is he gonna be okay or is he gonna pass out. I personally would be sweating and chicken out.
A toilet seat is way way worse than a kiss. Why do all these kids reek of low key biphobia, calling this kiss gross and Nathan gross. I'm raising my brow a lot at every interaction most of these characters have with him đ€š.
Shes smoking omg and she doesn't know she's pregnant.
This girl talk convo is quite realistic in terms of giggly interjections you grow into dropped jaws and wide eyes when you get older haha.
The straight guy is just a good brother.
And we go to a shitty sister, why the fuck would you do that to your friend and brother. He didn't even confirm or deny. He is also human and allowed to have a crush, but again I'm more mature now than I was at 15 so maybe that's a belief that comes with time. The idea that you can't control your partners emotions, especially one that you claim not to care about and that you are yourself playing.
These kids/girls are weird I'm sorry they jumped straight into the he's playing me and he's not bi idea and I don't like that.
Oh shit the gym teacher is flirting with the desk clerk and has a whole wife wtf. O.O
Oh they are going to.....what the heck girl? She doesn't just wanna hook up she likes you, but this is why you communicate things before you have sex. She just slut shamed in the midst of her being vulnerable with her.
Shygirl !!!!
Imma guess she's gonna go fuck this other girl as a rebound. Yea, sigh, how messy.
They are showing a whole lot of this steamy scene. Maybe my suggestion was wrong for those who want a less wild more toned down alternative to Euphoria. Sorry.
Aw Chester sweetheart they hurt his feelings.
Here's this teacher guidance counselor đ
Oh you triggered him oh no that makes sense now why he was so concerned about his well being.
Oh this should go south really really quickly. Please go south please.
Oh thank God Sam shut this all the way down quickly. We have avoided the teacher crush to relationship trope. No Chester, you betrayed his privacy and catfished him into talking to a minor. Now he has to worry about loosing his job etc. because you have an inflated crush and you are a minor.
Yea he should be afraid because you are crossing extreme boundaries and have created a false relationship for him and you.
Scream it out kid but you needed that rejection.
Thoughts on this episode: It was good you can see there is more confidence in the writing in this episode. I am sensing a few concerns I have but I'm gonna see how this mid season finale is and then talk about that in my mid-season round up. One of my larger issues is that i don't like this subtle implication thats being sewed into this narrative. There is this message that all queer people do is lie, cheat, and betray one another etc. While that does happen sometimes its not the only thing that does occur. Even though I appreciate not treating queer characters as "smol beans" and being problematic at times i don't appreciate that all of our queer characters are in that same boat. All of these scenarios do have some realism though and GSA has some of the most drama you can find. But it feels a bit like look all these lgbtq ppl are messy and cheat even the older teacher.
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i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)
Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.
Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, whoâs caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ.Â
âYouâre the best older brother,â she starts off, and heâs sure sheâs trying to convince herself more than him at this point, âbut you need to fix your sleeping habits.â Then, because sheâs his little sister, sheâd flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.
(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadnât already, but he believes if heâll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, heâll get through three days. By the third day, heâll hardly be coherent but that doesnât matter because heâll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)
âDonât worry, Tonia,â he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether itâs worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. âOnce break ends, Iâll get back to normal.â
âYou said that six seasons ago.â
Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. âHuh?â
âThe Walking Dead seasons,â Tonia clarifies, as if sheâs not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasnât checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a âhelicopter parentâ and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.
Isnât it a show about zombies though? Toniaâs sheepish smile tells it all, because itâs the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.
(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, heâll check out The Walking Dead.)
âOh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.â
A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. Heâs spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute â it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.
Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)
Tonia, on the other hand, isnât incredibly convinced.
Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he canât easily lie to his little sister, whoâs far shrewder than he takes her for at times.
âYou never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But thatâs⊠uh, âa bad work ethic.ââ Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, âZhongli told me that.â
âZhongli?â he repeats, trying to remember if thatâs one of her classmates or some stranger thatâs hoping to kidnap his sister.
âThe guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.â
âHow old?â Childe can tell sheâs enjoying this â talking about her new friend at the library that heâll probably have to run a background check on.
âLike heâs in his sixties or something. But he looks⊠actually, he looks your age! And heâs a student too. I told him all about you.â
Well, that doesnât sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. Heâs not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that heâs her older brother.
âLike all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.â
âOf course she did,â he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days heâs going to move without telling his classmates and the twins wonât enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesnât mean heâs above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) âSheâs just mad because I get away with it and she doesnât. But donât do it yourself. Itâs a bad habit,â he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.
âOkaaay,â she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.
Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.
 Childe
12:35
ur a horrible influence on tonia
 Childe
12:35
and whos this ZHONGLI
 Childe
12:35
also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os
 Twin 1
12:37
a normal person would say hi
 Twin 1
12:37
also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school
 Well. At least heâs somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?
 Childe
12:38
thats not very convincing
 Childe
12:38
also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares
 Twin 1
12:39
isnt she 12 r u telling me u werenât watching R rated movies at 12
 Childe
12:42
thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as âone of the greatest horror shows in historyâ and âpaved the way for post-apocalyptic horrorâ
 Twin 1
12:42
well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk
 Childe
12:42
whats asmr
 Childe
12:43
asking for my sister btw
 Twin 1
12:44
A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.
 Childe
12:45
wtf?
 Twin 1
12:45
people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????
 Childe
12:45
idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos
 Twin 1
12:47
⊠makes sense
 Twin 1
12:47
check out rex lapisâ channel he looks like ur type
 Childe
12:48
i thought we were talking about my sister????
 Twin 1
12:50
[message screenshots.jpg]
 Twin 1
12:50
ya she told me everything
 Twin 1
12:50
have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA
 Childe
12:51
hope he does it
He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumineâs suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, sheâs never made any indication of knowing his type. And heâs sure heâs never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for âTradition of Justice and Law.â (Itâs unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe thatâs for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)
It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face â only a microphone â which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that itâs a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick âI discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)â because thatâs exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment â but ten hours later when heâs in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacherâs candy jar during lunch.)
When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.
The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and itâs almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and heâll pay for her coffee for the following week. Â He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe canât see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.
Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure heâll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.
Really â he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.
âIâm Rex Lapis, and Iâll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so Iâm very excited to start todayâs video.â
Holy shit.
For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says heâll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word â as it usually does, much to his dismay.)
His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night heâs been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childeâs food.
Because he doesnât trust the twins with the kitchen â even if they can cook â she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childeâs name and asking, âIs that true?â or âDid you really do that?â
This time is different though.
Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semesterâs presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.
And heâs wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it shouldâve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process â screaming notes and all â to the class instead of his actual presentation, it wouldâve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapisâ videos together.
The âI read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outsideâ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)
Oh God â oh fuck.
âSo he is your type,â Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in âTop 10 Glenn Rhee Momentsâ than Childeâs crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so â sheâs biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that itâs just because they went through his YouTube history.
âI can neither confirm nor deny that statement,â he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (Itâs quite mortifying, really â even Tonia is giving him a look, but itâs not as bad as Lumineâs shit eating grin.)
âWell⊠he does have a nice voice,â Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice â itâs soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)
âHe does,â Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. âBut I donât understand much of what heâs saying. He â heh â talks like an old man.â
âDonât worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because heâs attractive,â Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapisâ videos. âDid you know that he lives nearby?â
âHuh?â
The knife heâs holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him withâ hold on, why does it feel like theyâre in on a secret he doesnât know about?
âYeah, heâs working on his grad thesis I think⊠Aether told me it was about something on history,â she muses. âThatâs why I recommended his channel to you. Heâs a bit of a celebrity in his department.â Childeâs sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.
âReally,â he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he canât quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.
âYeah, actuallyâŠâ Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. âHeââ
âItâs Zhongli!â his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. âZhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?â
âYeah.â
Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that heâs been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much â and the fact that heâs been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. Heâs sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumineâs and Toniaâs faces â really, theyâre mirror images of each other right now.
Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that heâll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.
#Genshin Impact#Childe/Zhongli#Childe & Tonia#Childe & Lumine#asmr fic p1#fuck ao3 (holds head in hands)#asmr fic
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I Feel For You (Werewolf!Jungkook x Empath!Reader)
Genre: Supernatural Au, Fluff, Angst
Warnings: Explicit language, violence, mentions of blood, injuries
Word Count: 6K
Your friend's party was the first time youâd seen him since you were kids. His hair had grown significantly since then, falling across his face in soft wisps he has to continuously blow out of his eyes. His eyes. They were the same as they were before, dark as night but would glisten in any lighting, like the moon across the lake.Â
You hadnât spoken to him in a decade, convinced he mustâve been a figment of your imagination, but the reality of it was that you were just from two different worlds that would never mesh.
Youâd only said two words to him that night, when you were both just barely out of booster seats, and youâd wandered too far back in the woods behind your house without your mother noticing.Â
Back then he was just a little brown haired boy with brown eyes that seemed to shift as he bared his teeth. Youâd been the little girl with pigtails wiping her wet eyes with her dirty hands as she tried to push herself up off the ground.Â
âPlease donât.âÂ
And heâd thought you were afraid of him hurting you. He was shaking in the trap, blood seeping down his leg, teeth bared in defense, and he thought this little girl was scared this monster would eat her. Heâd never know you were trying to help him and yourself.Â
You thought maybe youâd go over, see if he recognized you, see if he remembered you. But as the DJ cranked the music louder, a group of guys started a fistfight, and a searing pain shot through your jaw, blood pooling in your mouth despite you standing perfectly still by yourself in the corner, you ducked out before it could escalate and made your way home, spitting blood and hoping nobody saw.
â
âCanât I just skip? I think I might be coming down with something, you know?â Jungkook pleads, grabbing his motherâs hand to rest against his forehead. It was warm, but nothing out of the ordinary, especially for a wolf, and he knew she knows that.
She humored him anyways, flipping her hand over a few times with a puzzled look on her face. After a second, she stood up and began walking towards the bathroom.
âYou know what, let me get the thermometer.â Her face broke into a sly grin, knowing fully well that her son knew the only thermometer they had was not for the mouth.
Suddenly, heâs flying past her, tugging on his backpack and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, âYou know what, Iâm suddenly feeling a lot better! Iâll see you when I get home.â He takes the stairs three at a time and bolts into the kitchen, ignoring his brothers stuffing their faces and taking their sweet time, nothing to worry about being late to, besides âworkâ with their father.Â
Jungkook is the last of 7 boys born to his mother and father. His eldest brothers, Jin, Yoongi, and Namjoon, were all home-schooled by their mother before Jungkook was even thought of. Once they were done, they took their places on the Pack Council with their father.
Hobi, Jimin, and Tae had gone to the âpack schoolâ which was basically homeschooling with all the kids in the pack by a few select pack members. By the time Jungkook came into the picture, not only did the pack accept the idea of sending their children to human school to avoid suspicion, his mother was so worn out she just didnât have the energy to educate Kook on her own.Â
In her defense, Jungkook was a lot more hyper and wild then his siblings, and being the last meant her sanity was at the edge after the first 6.Â
Jungkook didnât mind, though, he was fascinated by human nature, everything that made their society so different from his, and he made it his mission to learn and experience as much as he could about both. At least, it started out that way.Â
As Jungkook grew, so did his wolf. It was harder for him to control his animalistic tendencies, and it was worse when he had to keep it all hidden to avoid exposing his packâs secret and causing an all-out witch hunt.Â
Instead, he chose to push all of his wolf qualities, along with some of his human ones, deep down and lay low. It was easier to protect himself and his family that way. Donât bring attention, donât make friends, just go to class and come home.Â
And after a while, it got a hell of a lot easier. People stopped coming up to him, trying to talk to him, hell, even teachers didnât call on him anymore. Instead, all heâd get was the occasional wary stare and a few whispers, but that was about it.Â
It hurt him to have people think terrible things about him, but itâs not like he could tell them the truth. So, for now, heâd let people believe whatever they wanted about him, from mute kid who cut out his own tongue to a deranged psychopath who writes stories about how heâd murder his classmates (yes, those are real rumors heâs heard float through the hallways. Humans and their imaginations).Â
As long as he was here and his secret was safe, it didnât matter what others thought of him.Â
Jungkook made it through the first for periods just he always had. Aside from getting a surprised look from his Algebra teacher for acing his last test, it was like every other day.
Then it lunch rolled around.
He made his way to his usual table out in the quad, far from everyone else and sat alone. He liked being able to enjoy his meal in peace, watching everyone around him.
Today, his peace gets interrupted not even ten minutes in.
You watched Jungkook sit down at the same table he always has. Seeing him in the daylight instead of the strobes at the party made him easier to study. He wore the same black sweatshirt and pants he does every day and he looks the same as he did Saturday night.Â
âWhy are you staring at him, got a crush or something?â Your friend nudges you, sending the whole table into a fit of âoohsâ and âahs.âÂ
You just roll your eyes, keeping your attention focused on the boy across the quad. Youâd never told your friends about what happened years ago, considering it wasnât any of their business anyways. They hadnât even acknowledged his existence until they saw him at the party that night, wondering why heâd bothered to show up.Â
You didnât know he went to school with you, let alone that your friends knew him, well, knew of him. It was that night, when youâd asked them who he was, that theyâd relayed horrid gossip about him.
Knowing just how insane high school ppl gossip can be, you took every new piece of information about him with a grain of salt. It was that night you learned his name, Jungkook.Â
Unfortunately, that was the only useful information they had on him, so you figured if you wanted answers, youâd have to go to the source.Â
Youâd have to talk to him.
Without even thinking, you rise from your spot at the table, stepping over the seat and heading towards him. You could hear the whispered screams of your friends, obviously confused and concerned with your rash actions, but you just blocked them out.Â
Your path to his table felt like a million miles, as if you were on trial, with all eyes on you. Youâd somewhat made a name for yourself here, part of the âpopularâ clique on campus, but you didnât see yourself that way. It was just your nature to be friendly with others. You could sympathize easily, share and understand, most importantly, you listened, and people liked that. Â
You rose the social ladder without even realizing it, and soon you were the talk of the school. Everyone wanted to be friends with you, but the socially elite students had already claimed you as theirs and you were too polite to turn them down.Â
So, as you made your way to Jungkook, you could feel the judgment each student passed on you with each step. It was like slowly being suffocated, each state and new set of hands around your neck.Â
Sometimes high school is just too much.
You didnât care though; youâd happily dig your own social grave if it meant finally getting answers from the boy in the woods.Â
Jungkook can sense you staring at him from across the way, but ignores it. He used to the stares so he figures itâs harmless. Itâs when the hairs on the back of his neck stand as his wolf sense you approaching him that catches his attention and drags him from his protest.Â
Jungkook doesnât look up to see whoâs there up until youâre standing across the table from him.
When he does, something deep down open side of him recognizes those eyes, your eyes.Â
âMind if I sit?â You ask sweetly, giving him a smile. He just stares at you dumbfounded, not sure what to say, so he just slowly nods his head once.
You set your bag down next to you and rest your arms on the surface of the table. Jungkook ignores his lunch, frozen staring at you. This had never happened before, not even his first year. People didnât just approach others and sit at tables they didnât belong. There was a system, a hierarchy, and everyone had their place.
This was not yours.Â
âIâm Y/N, by the way,â you stick your hand out across the table, expecting him to take it, but he just stares at it.
âThis is usually the part where you shake my hand,â you try not to smirk but itâs hard when he looks like heâs never seen a hand before.Â
He hesitantly takes it in his, âJungkook.âÂ
Heâs hoping this will suffice whatever curiosity youâre harboring towards him and youâll leave him in peace. Jungkook thinks this is his punishment for going to that stupid party on Saturday when his father told him he couldnât go. He wasnât there for long, but he just wanted to say he went to at least one high school party in his life.Â
Now he thinks people might have gotten the wrong idea and that it was okay to hang out with him. Heâd just have to let you down as easily as possible.
âNo offense, but donât you have friends to sit with?,â he gestures behind you to the table youâd left, your friends awkwardly watching, laughing and whispering. You didnât bother to look back, just kept your focus ahead, ignoring what you knew was gossip behind you. You loved your friends, of course, but they have awful habits.
âI do, I just figured youâd like some company.âÂ
He doesnât mean to, but he scoffs, his wolf annoyed that someone was pitying him.Â
You see it but donât take it too seriously, sensing he was just uncomfortable with your unwarranted presence.Â
âIâm fine, you can go now.â You donât want to leave yet, though, hoping to break through this icy exterior and find out whatâs underneath. You can feel it in the deepest depths of your soul that heâs hiding something, holding himself back, and you know it has to do with that night 10 years ago.Â
âIf itâs alright with you, Iâd actually like to stay,â you gesture back behind you subtly, âbesides, they can be a bit much sometimes.â You hoped to ease the tension and find some common ground with him, but his wall is strong.
âIâd actually prefer to eat alone,â one part of him is screaming at himself for how cold heâs being. This was a chance to make a connection, maybe make a friend, but the other half is rationalizing that if he lets you in, youâll ruin everything heâs spent so long protecting.
His mood affects you, the agitation cutting through your usually bubbly aura. You couldnât help how easily influenced you were by the feelings and emotions of others. You were born to feel what others felt; their happiness, love, frustration, and pain.Â
âWhy do you insist on cutting yourself off from everyone?â Itâs an intrusive question, one a stranger should not ask and did not have the right to know. You couldnât take it back once it flew from your mouth, though. Speaking before thinking was also an affliction youâd been graced with, one you had spent years trying to correct to no avail.Â
His wolf wants to snap, confronting his features into a deep set scowl, his eyes dark.Â
âWhy do you pretend to be friends with people you donât like?â It wasnât fair of him to attack you, but your insistence on prying into his life was wearing his patience thin.
The human part of him regrets the blow when he sees your features, clearly taken aback.
âIâm not pretending, I do like them, just not all the time, no one can like everyone all the time.â You wanted to snap back at him but you kept your calm. It was fair in a way to ask such a question after yours.
Jungkook wolf isnât satisfied yet, though so he sinks a lower blow, âAnd why do you always run away when they start shit?â
The guys in your friend group were notorious for picking fights, hyped up on testosterone and privilege. You didnât think anyone had noticed your disappearing act during such events, but clearly you werenât as sneaky as youâd thought. You didnât have a choice though, considering how would you explain when similar wounds appeared on your body as they happened?
You became defensive on instinct, feeling like prey stalked by a predator. You were just trying to be civil and his whole demeanor became a shield to protect himself and retaliate against you.Â
âI guess we both have secrets then, huh.â You get up, walking past your table, your friends following you with their eyes, shooting back to Jungkook once you were out of sight.Â
At first he didnât understand why you reacted so harshly to his questions, figuring they werenât serious. Turns out you may be just as cut off as Jungkook, youâre just better at faking it.Â
â
Youâd ignored your friends incessant questioning over the lunch fiasco, opting to pour yourself into your studies and after school activities. Once you finished up the meeting for student government, you headed out to the field to grab some supplies for the drama club from the field house.
The coach of the boys lacrosse team had given you the okay to borrow equipment for the clubâs upcoming performance, so as the director, you figured it was your job to get everything together.
Walking out, the sun dipping lower in the sky as the boys team practiced on the pitch, you notice a familiar figure looming near the end of the bleachers. You take a second to investigate and see Jungkook watching the team, hands stuffed in his pockets.Â
His eyes follow every shot and pass, following the footwork of the athletes, studying each movement. He looked like he wanted to join in.Â
Despite getting off on the wrong foot, you could feel the longing dripping from him, the intense desire to be out on that field. He was holding himself back again, and your inner self was dying to know why.
Going against every petty bone in your body, you silently approach him, arms folded across your chest, âYou stare any longer without blinking and your eyes will shrivel up.â He jumps a bit, swiftly collecting himself, a minuscule wave of guilt flushing through him when he realizes itâs you.
Jungkook looks back out on the field, fighting his urge to run out and join the team on the field.Â
âWhat are you doing here?,â he asks, slightly interested in the answer but more so interested in what was happening before him.
You follow his line of sight, wondering why he didnât just ask the coach to try out if he wanted to play so bad.Â
âGrabbing some things for the drama club, what about you? Stalking the boys lacrosse team?â His head shoots towards you, eyes glowering.
âNo, I just like lacrosse, thatâs all.â
Jungkookâs defensive expression turns sullen, once again watching as the ball is thrown back and forth.
âSo why donât you play? Iâm sure youâd probably be good at it with your,â you realize where youâre headed with this and canât help the embarrassment flushing your cheeks, âphysical build.âÂ
Jungkookâs first instinct is to be flush as well, but he covers it up with a sly smirk, âMy physical build, huh?âÂ
Rolling your eyes you reach out to push his shoulder, returning your hand back to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, âWhatever, you know what I mean.â
Watching you get so flustered feeds the grin on his face. It was kind of cute, though he wouldnât tell you he thought so.Â
âI canât.â
Your face distorts into confusion, wondering what could possibly keep him from doing something as normal as participating in a sport.
You want to ask him why, but after the last âwhyâ question youâd asked him had gone so sourly, you figured there must be a reason, albeit probably not a good one, and that it wasnât your business to judge.
instead, you take a step forward, standing shoulder to shoulder with him, well, as best you could considering he is much taller than you, and just watch the team practice.Â
You can feel him stare at you when you move closer, but he turns back watching just as you are.
âWell, I think you should at least try,â you look up at him, finding him already looking back at you, âyou might regret it if you donât.âÂ
And with that bit of wisdom imparted, you get what you came here for, knowing that Jungkook follows your every move with his surprised gaze until youâre out of sight.Â
Once youâre gone, Jungkookâs attention goes back to the field, seeing the team packing up for the night. He goes against the part of him telling him to go home, and jobs out to the field instead.
Approaching the coach, Jungkook prepares himself for the step heâs about to take, your words in the back of his mind; âIf you donât, you might regret it.â
â
The first time you see Jungkook on the field is during a late evening run to the field house after one of the members threw up all over the jerseys youâd borrowed. The coach was hesitant, but allowed you a few more after your promise to wash and return them yourself.Â
The team had already packed up and headed to the locker room, but Jungkook stayed behind to get in at least another hour of practice.Â
The coach had agreed to let him try-out that first evening, and after proving himself a valuable addition to the team, he was finding all the time he could to catch up, considering the team had already been in practice for a few weeks now.Â
You didnât mean to stare, fully prepared to march out, grab what you need, and head back in, but you watched as his arms lifted his jersey over his head, wiping the sweat dripping from his face.Â
Officially bordering on crappy stalker tendencies, you shook yourself out of your trance and grabbed the jerseys from the shed. When you turn around to head back to the auditorium, Jungkook is jogging towards you.Â
âEnjoy the show?,â he pries, smirk taking over his face. If you were paying more attention to his cocky attitude and less to his bare torso, youâd have quickly offered a witty comeback.Â
âWhat-I was just getting some, stuff, for the drama club,â you stop yourself before you ramble on and humiliate yourself further. Jungkook likes to tease you, though, so he finds any way to push your buttons and take advantage of your innocent nature.Â
âSo that wasnât you I just saw drooling when I took my shirt off?â You snap yourself out of it, scoffing, eyes rolling so hard you thought theyâd get stuck for a second.
âDonât flatter yourself Kook.â
Heâs about to press you further when you feel a sharp pain shoot through your jaw, the faint taste of blood leaking onto your tongue. You wince, hand shooting up to hold your face, eyes darting frantically around your surroundings.
Jungkook could sense your change in demeanor immediately, noticing you wince, stepping forward, âHey, are you okay?âÂ
His hand reaches out to you, and you are about to brush it off when you both are alerted to yelling towards the quad.
Jungkook is the first to rush towards the noise, you following in quick pursuit. The closer you get, the more painful your jaw gets, stiff and throbbing, a ringing pulsing in your ears. You almost have to stop and hold your head between your knees, but you need to see whatâs going on.Â
There in the quad, you see one of your friends beating the shit out of another guy. They are both wearing practice jerseys similar to Jungkookâs. You notice the blood dripping down the guys chin, a large welt on his cheek.
Youâre about to say something when your friend swings swiftly, landing a particularly hard punch to the guys face, sending him to the ground.Â
At the same time, your head whips to the side, the force sending you sideways, but you catch yourself. Your hand shoots up to hold your face, tears pricking at your eyes, fighting back a yelp as the pain fills every one of your senses.Â
Before anyone can see you, you collect yourself as best you can and stagger towards the parking lot. You needed to get away from here, you needed to get in your car, and get home before someone sees.
Youâre spitting mouthfuls of blood as you go, the tears streaming down your face, the red and purple colors slowly painting the affected area.
Once you make it to your car, you steady yourself and head home, the farther you get from the school, the clearer your head gets.Â
Jungkook turns around after the last blow, coach coming out to break it up. He expects to find you standing there, asking, âIsnât that one of your friends?,â but finds you gone.Â
Without meaning too, his wolf senses kick in, searching for a sign of where you might have gone. He follows your scent to the parking lot and then notices the trail of bloody spit that ends at an empty space.Â
He can tell from the scent that itâs yours, he just understand what couldâve happened between the field and the quad that could cause you to bleed like that and run off.Â
Jungkook was not only curious, he was worried.Â
â
You try to cover the bruises as best you could, but it just wasnât working. Youâd tried to convince your mom to let you stay home, but she wasnât having it. Your secret was yours and yours alone, not even your parents knew, so you couldnât argue with her.
Instead, you dragged yourself to school, trying your best to hide your wounds with makeup and a turtleneck. Youâd just have to avoid everyone today and lay low.Â
Youâd gone through the first half of the day without any real problems. Youâd met up with your friends in the library where they talked about the fight, and one made fun of your outfit choice, of course, âonly teasingâ though.Â
Avoiding people ended up being pretty easy, until you locked eyes with Jungkook down the hall, causing him to make a beeline straight for you.Â
You tried to turn around and keep walking, pretending like you hadnât seen him, but he was quicker than you, blocking your path.
âWhyâd you disappear yesterday?â He wants to ask about the blood, but figures he should start off simple and then get to the bizarre.Â
He looks over your face, trying not to seem suspicious, but you instantly reach your hand up to cover the side of your face thatâs bruised.
Jungkook notices, zeroing in on the faint purple tint of your skin. He didnât see anyone with you guys when you were in the quad during the fight, and he was sure he wouldâve sensed if youâd been attacked right behind him. How the hell did you get a bruise like that?
As if to help him connect the dots, you both turn your attention to another figure at his locker down the hall. Itâs the guy that was attacked, the guy whose bruises are an exact match to yours.Â
Jungkook isnât sure how exactly to piece this all together in his mind, but he does now realize that you had started acting funny once the fight had started, and disappeared right after the final blow.Â
Was it possible for one person to feel anotherâs pain like that? Considering heâs a werewolf, it shouldnât have been a total shock to him, heâs around unnatural things all the time.Â
Still, heâd never encountered something quite like this. It was normal for a pack to share emotions and feelings, in their nature to sense each other on an emotional level.
You are definitely not a wolf though, and this is way more than that connection.Â
Before he can question you about it, the bell rings and you rush to class, leaving him behind with more questions.Â
Jungkook finally caught you at the end of the day, right before you could run off again. It was his first lacrosse game, and considering you were the reason he even tried out, he thought heâd invite you to come watch.
He also wanted to talk to you about what happened, and figured after the game would be as good a time as any.Â
A small part also just wanted you to be there so he could show off and maybe, just maybe, impress you. You were the first girl, first person even, to befriend him despite his objections, and the more you helped him take his wall down, the more he started to like you. Jungkook might of even developed a bit of a crush on you.Â
âYou want me to come to your game?â You repeat back to him, and that signature smirk rears itâs annoying head again.Â
âYes, thatâs what I said didnât I?â Flustering you was his favorite part about your friendship. He never got tired of seeing your cheeks turn red and listening to you nervously ramble. They were some of the points on the ever-growing list of things he liked about you.
âI wonât have anyone to sit with,â you admit, realizing how distant your other friends had become since youâd started hanging out with Jungkook. Donât get you wrong, you wouldnât trade it for the world, but it would be awkward to be alone.
âThatâs okay, you can sit with my brothers.â This was the first time Jungkook had really mentioned his brothers, other than the time he had admitted to you that he wasnât an only child like you and that his family was big.
âYour brothers?â
Jungkook smiles, appreciating how enthusiastic you looked when he shared personal information.Â
âYeah, I have 6, and they all wanted to come watch my first game. You can sit with them if you want, Iâll let them know youâll be there.â
Now, even though you were nervous, the chance to meet Jungkookâs mystery siblings was more enticing than sitting at home watching movies by yourself, so you promised him youâd come.
â
âWhat is she, your girlfriend or something?â Jin insinuates, mocking face making kissy noises to further antagonize his youngest brother. Jungkookâs face flushes beet red, flying at the eldest, tackling him.
âJin, leave our little Romeo alone,â Taehyung joins in on the teasing, causing Jungkook to throw a pillow at his head after tackling Jin to the couch.Â
Namjoon and Yoongi are watching their brothers play fight from the kitchen table, not wanting to incur Jungkookâs embarrassed rage onto themselves.
âIs she cute?â Jimin asks from the other couch, Jin and Taehyung nodding their heads in question, waiting for Jungkook to spill.Â
âYeah, I mean, I guess...â he rubs the back of his neck, feeling the heat radiate off his skin. His brothers always found ways to pick on him, since he was the youngest, he was the best target.
âOoo, well if sheâs not your girlfriend maybe Iâll make her mine,â Hoseok yells as he enters the room, shoving Jungkook playfully.Â
A low growl rumbles through the room, shutting everyone up. They all stare at Jungkook, his teeth slightly bared, and they fight their natural instinct to react.Â
âHe was just kidding Kookie,â Jimin says softly, patting Jungkookâs shoulder, calming him down.
âSorry, didnât realize how serious you were about her,â Hobi admits sheepishly, pulling out a chair next to Yoongi and plopping down.
âIâm not-,â he scoffs, âI mean, weâre friends, thatâs all.â
They all stare at Kook, knowing their little brother all too well, seeing right through his aloof act.Â
Jungkook pass over to Hoseok, head down in submission, âIâm sorry for snapping at you.âÂ
Hoseok just beams a wide smile, âItâs okay, itâs natural to feel protective over your mate.â
Jungkookâs eyes shoot wide open, âWhat-sheâs not my- sheâs not even a wolf, and how would you even know-â
Joon is up and patting the youngestâs back, âIt doesnât matter that sheâs not a wolf. Youâre exhibiting all the signs of having found your mate.â
Jungkookâs embarrassment grows more than he thought it could.
He wants to tuck himself away and hide forever. It had been obvious to everyone but him that you were his mate. The first girl heâd made friends with and itâs his mate. What are the odds?
âWeâll be on our best behavior, promise.â Taehyung holds his hand up, scouts honor. They all share a laugh and Jungkook gets ready for the game.Â
â
When you show up at the field, Jungkook meets you at the sideline, pointing you in the direction of his brothers, who all watch you with anticipation.
âGood luck,â you whisper it in his ear to make sure he hears it over the loud roar of the crowd. You miss how his cheeks turn pink, but he just smiles and runs back over to the bench.
You make your way over to the group of boys all smiling at you and cheering for their brother. One of them, tall with brown hair and glasses, stands to help you over the bleachers to sit and shakes your hand.
âYou must be the famous Y/N weâve heard so much about,â Namjoon says and the. Introduces himself along with the others.
You canât help but feel nervous, not only at the revelation that Jungkook talks about you to his family, but the fact that youâre surrounded by 6 guys youâve never met before, each one beautiful in their own way.Â
You couldâve guessed, considering how attractive Jungkook is, that his brothers would be as well.
The game starts, and youâre sandwiched in between Jimin and Yoongi, cheering alongside them for Jungkook.Â
At halftime, your team is up down by one, and Jungkook has yet to be put on the field.Â
While youâre growing impatient for him, his brothers seem to be perfectly fine with Jungkook riding bench. In fact, every time the coach looked like he was about to out Kook in, they all watched on almost nervously.Â
You wondered why.
Jungkook meets you at the bleachers while the halftime clock runs, the team getting water and the coach going over plays.
âWhy are your brothers not upset coach isnât putting you in?â You ask, holding his water bottle for him as he tightens his shoe lace.
Jungkook knows that itâs because theyâre afraid heâll lose control and wolf out on the field, but he canât tell you that.
âTheyâre just overprotective, afraid Iâll get hurt or something.â
You nod in understanding, even though you can sense thatâs not it.
The game starts back up and before you know it, Jungkook is heading onto the field.
The boys are all watching in nervous anticipation, so you take the initiative to cheer Kook on for all of them.Â
Jungkook sees the ball as it plops to the ground and suddenly heâs after it, scooping it up and running for his life.Â
The crowd is cheering and as he approaches the goal, he can hear your voice above them all. He turns his head to look at you for just a fraction of a second, but it's enough for a member from the opposing team to tackle him violently to the ground.
Suddenly, everything is black.
â
You wake up in the emergency room, ice pack to your head and half of Jungkookâs brothers standing around you.
You try to sit up, catching Jiminâs attention, and he rushes over to help you slowly rise from the cot.
âWhere are we?,â you slur, head pounding and vision blurry,Â
âWeâre in the emergency room, do you remember what happened?â
You stare at your legs, trying to think back to last thing you remember, âWe were at the game, and Jungkook was about to score, but-â
And itâs all blank after that.
Hoseok approaches your other side, âHe got tackled pretty hard. He passed out on the field,â the all look at you, âyou passed out in the stands at the same moment.â
While your head is pounding and fuzzy, you understand what had happened and you know that theyâre going to want answers.
Before they can get any out, though, they are ushered out and Jungkook comes in. Heâs holding an ice pack to his head as well, smiling when he sees you.
âYou trying to steal my thunder or something?â He asks sarcastically, cracking a smile out of you.
âI can explain,â you start, but youâre at a loss for words.Â
Jungkook just walks over and plops down next to you on the cot.
âIs that why you ran off the night of the fight? Why your blood was in the parking lot and you had the same bruises as that kid?âÂ
Heâd already pieced it together in his mind, and youâre tempted to make an excuse, but decide the truth needed to come out sooner or later.
You stare at the floor going over what you were going to say in your mind. Youâd never told anyone this, and here you were, about to tell Jungkook, the weird kid from school and the kid from your past, your deepest secret.
âI remember you,â he adds, and you lift your gaze to look at him.
âThat night in the woods, 10 years ago. You were the little girl that was scared of me.â
He looks sad and you canât help the racing of your heart at the fact that he had remembered you after all these years. You were sure heâd forgotten or not realized it was you, considering he hadnât brought it up, until now.Â
âI wasnât scared of you,â you whisper, and Jungkook looks surprised.
âI was crying for you, for myself. Your leg was caught in a trap. I could feel your pain, Kook.â
This whole time heâd thought he was this horrible monster that made a poor little girl cry; for 10 years he believed he was the big bad wolf.Â
But he wasnât.
âAnd that explains the blood, the bruise, and our matching concussions,â his lame attempt at a joke makes you laugh and heâs glad the two of you are alone.
âYeah, sorry about âstealing your thunder,ââ you giggle and he can hear his heart beating in his ears.
âAre you okay?,â he asks, looking over your head in search of any other injuries. You grab his hand and squeeze it tight.
âIâm okay.âÂ
â
You both are released from the E.R. and Jungkook invites you to family dinner at his house.Â
As you stand on the front steps, you find yourself more nervous knowing you were meeting his entire family this time, but he folds your hand in his and gives it a reassuring squeeze.Â
Dinner is filled with loud laughs and plenty of teasing. You and Jungkook not only have matching concussions but matching blushes as well.
His parents absolutely adore you, knowing the second you walked in that you were their sonâs mate.Â
After dinner, Jungkook walks you out to the back porch to get some fresh air as the others clear the table.
you both lean on the railing staring up at the stars, when Jungkook lowers his gaze back to you. Heâs mesmerized by the way the stars glimmer in your eyes, and when you lock eyes with him, he holds his breath.Â
Before you can say anything, heâs leaning down, lips pressing gently to yours.Â
Itâs sweet and soft, holding a passion neither of you had ever felt before.
When he pulls away, you both stare at each other in silence for a minute, before his mother calls you both in.
You're standing at the sink in their kitchen drying dishes as his mother hands them to you, when she turns to you.
âI used to tell the boys stories of the old world when they were little,â she smiles at you and you return it.
âThere was one story, about these incredible healers with the kindest hearts,â and as she looks at you, she can sense the great power within you.Â
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Had to repost this because Tumblr deleted it somehow, but hopefully itâs back and everyone can see it, sorryđ
-Moonieđ
#bts#7 days of halloween#7 days of bts#bts fluff#bts angst#bts fanfic#bts imagines#bts drabbles#bts fic#bts au#bts jeon jungkook#bts jeon jeongguk#jeon jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook x y/n#werewolf!jungkook#empath!reader#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook fanfic#halloween bts#spooky bts#supernatural bts#supernatural au
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honestly i think i have a weird anger or cultural confusion where other gay and trans ppl are like much happier and comfortable to come out and shit and be open, but I've always had an extremely complicated relationship with it because it's always made me feel so isolated and lonely, even with other gay ppl around. and younger ppl especially will like go around coming out so frequently and meanwhile if I'm going to even tell you that I'm attracted to women I have to trust you 110% and that isn't something that comes easy.
I'm terrified of like. Wearing even rainbow goddamn socks because I'm scared shitless of getting bullied, or harassed, or even assaulted. Which is ironic considering I try to be quite fashionable in public but with being openly bi (let alone being openly TRANS) it's a complete no-no.
Like I think as much as I love being bi and nb at the same time I still despise it, I still think it's ruined my life. I have gender dysphoria about my chest whereas if I was cis I would be so happy with how feminine my body is. My first ever relationship with another girl at the moment being cut short by abusive homophobia fucked me up in innumerous ways, leading me to like...severe issues with the way i feel about sex and emotional attachment and touch.
And ofc there's the homophobia, like at this moment I'm probably leaning towards getting a fuckbuddy or smth over tinder but like a romantic relationship with another person is terrifying, like I'm insanely private w relationships even w men, I won't let us hold hands if I think too many people might see bc i have this stupid complex
There's more and more but my relationship with being Out is one where it's something that I simultaneously desire and despise, being Out is one of the most terrifying concepts I can think of and to me having someone refer to me as "they" and not as a woman is simply not as important as being safe, as not living in even more fear of assault.
And then all around me ppl my age (although usually younger) are all coming out to anyone and everyone like it's just casual, saying their pronouns like it's nothing. And first it's disbelief and shock because holy fuck, has everyone gone fucking mad?? Are we all so fucking stupid that we just forget the everloving fear homophobia strikes into you?? And then it's the jealousy, that these people have this comfortable relationship with their own gay/transness and enough trust to actually open up and tell a room full of strangers "please call me they not she". It's disappointment and anger in myself that almost 7 years after forcing myself to whisper "I'm bisexual" to the bathroom mirror in the middle of the night and then cry my eyes out because it felt like I'd been cursed, and probably over a decade since I'd started having sexual feelings about all genders, and an entire lifetime of having feelings for men women and others, after so long I'm still just a coward who sits and hates it all, who fears it all.
But then recently I've come to the realisation that the way I realised I was gay was a way that's kind of...dying out. That being the mostly offline way.
Don't take this the wrong way but I've found a lot of people go online and find this overwhelming amount of support and representation for gay and trans identity. You can argue validly this statement, but the context I use this in is comparing it to like. 2013. People were way less online. Being an online celebrity was a novelty.
At school there were dyke, faggot, tranny, etc, thrown around as if they were confetti. Jokes about "lesbos" and "lesbihonest" humiliated any girl who was too close to another girl. I grew up not just in Brisbane Queensland but in a town that was connected to the mainland only by two bridges - a landbridge and a humanmade bridge. The school was overwhelmingly anglo. Overwhelmingly right wing.
I realised I was bi with minimal help from Tumblr. I realised I was bi because I fell, hard, for my best friend. And then she liked me back, and our relationship was amazing. But the school found out. We held hands under the table, we found a quiet moment to kiss and everyone pointed and stared. We made out in the shadow of a building and turned to find twenty people watching gawkeyed, pointing, fascinated.
The entire time her mum was abusive, and massively homophobic. She blamed me for turning her daughter gay. She forced us multiple times to break up at the threat of violence. Eventually we did. We never talked about it. Our friendship never returned like it used to. It was awkward, tinged with sadness, regret, yearning and young love cut short.
It was traumatic, to say the least.
Tumblr in 2014, despite the cringe screenshots, wasn't actually mostly about LGBT positivity or whatever. I first saw the term bisexual on, if you can believe me, a quotev story in 2011 about a cheerleader and an emo girl who get together in a secret relationship. You were either gay or straight, or you had an exception. Bisexual felt right, though, for me, felt accurate, was accurate.
It was years of confusion and secrecy and guilt, peeks at other girls in the changing room that I couldn't help and I didn't understand why. Then it was months and months of anger and frustration at myself that I was feeling this way and confused about myself, and then when I said those words it felt like I was being torn apart. It felt like my life had fallen apart. I cried every goddamn night, I felt awful all the time.
At school the kids noticed. They noticed before I started dating my friend, they noticed the way I looked at her and they interrogated me about it. I'd claim up and down I had a crush on another boy - true perhaps, but it was a passing interest - and then they said they told him and analysed how I reacted. And then the interrogations continued for months because the gay girl was entertainment for them. Around me, as I walked between classes, had lunch, walked home, dyke dyke dyke faggot hahaha.
And then the relationship happened and then leelah alcorn happened and I learned what a trans person is. And sometime when I was fifteen I saw nonbinary begin to pop up, terms like genderfluid and nonbinary and they rang true like bisexual did, but the last time I went down a rabbit hole like that it ended in trauma, and another person got hurt. I didn't throw homophobia at her, but I felt and still feel responsible for it. I didn't turn her gay, but I made it obvious. I don't quite know how to say it.
I knew I was nonbinary, deep down. One day I decided to add that to my tumblr bio. Nobody gave a shit, just like nobody gave a shit when I said I was bi. But that was because I wasn't open about it even online. I couldn't talk about that stuff or I'd curse myself.
Time went on, I got more comfortable, collected fresh new traumas. My brother came out as trans. Around me, friends came out as gay and trans. But they kept coming out. They didn't stop at close friends and trusted family, they told teachers, their entire class. I didn't understand. Why the fuck would you put yourself at risk like that?? And I still don't. I said it was jealousy and anger at myself before, and maybe it is still a little bit, but now, it's just concern.
As I said, the way I realised I was gay is the rather old fashioned way - offline, through trauma, and almost entirely unenjoyable and traumatic. A lot of kids still go through that for sure. But the ones I see telling everyone over that they're gay or trans are, in my experience, not those ones. As the internet began to become more of a general use thing and less of a "only recluse weirdos" space, the online LGBT safe space began to expand into an audience bigger than before. Online, you were safe. Nobody knew your name, you were behind a screen. Homophobia was veiled, you could just delete a hateful anon, could just log off. You could put up your pronouns and people would use them because, well, ppl didn't really have any other identifier someone might use for your gender. So this positive uplifting atmosphere spawned for the most part. And instead of learning through confusion and rare chance encounters with random words and crying into the sink every night that you're gay, you much easier come across this content that tells you indepth what this is and that it's okay. And you think, well wow, that's me, and then...you know, I guess. Not denying there's some of the classic self hatred etc but...you have this safe space online to fall back on, and I cannot emphasise how much that has pushed the acceptance and widespread knowledge of lgbt people in the past 5 years. I didn't exactly have that space, and my realisation was through mostly real life channels, which were swamped at all sides by homophobia, at worst, abusive, at kindest, it would treat you like a sideshow attraction.
Being someone who arguably isn't old enough to brush this difference away with being an "older gay" but still having had a gay experience quite different to the majority in my generation (applying this to area as well) I have to say I'm confronted with this comfortableness other days have a lot and it's always jarring. I think also that while it's important and I'm happy that "younger" gays and transes have at least one good support network/space to fall back onto online, I do think it creates this kind of...dangerous other side, especially for those who go to schools that are LGBT positive and have families who are also friendly to that sort of stuff. I find that young gay teens are totally unprepared and unhardened for the fact that most people you run into in real life despise your guts for existing as who you are. And while we can make as many soppy gay narratives as possible about being honest about who you are and losing shame, we need to face the fact and teach young lgbt kids that being Out isn't just something you do as a ritual in being gay or trans, it's a brave thing and it's completely optional. And furthermore, most importantly, it's insanely dangerous.
I don't think that teenage, raw fear of the consequences of even the very concept of being Out has ever left me. Perhaps I have to thank the homophobic 14 yr olds who swamped me in slurs and trauma, because it's given me a survival sense that's kept me closeted so far you'd never get in.
But occasionally I'm tempted, particularly with my transness which I am only out to perhaps 3 people about, to venture into the world of telling people about yourself. I started a new uni semester and in a tutorial, the teacher handed out cards. We were to use it as a placard to write our names on it so the teacher would learn our names over the next few classes. And, if we chose...our pronouns.
I stared at that card for what felt like a million years. This has always been an ordeal. People don't know how to pronounce my name, even though it's a rather simple one. But pronouns? I'd never really told anyone those. Online, yes, and once when I was asked by a friend i was brave enough to say "any will do" but this - this wasn't the curated safe online space, this wasn't a one-time phrase to a friend. This was an open, permanent thing that would sit below me every class, declaring me to 18 other people. I wrote down "NATALYA", then beneath "she/". And then I stared some more. I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I was the biggest fool, because before I could stop myself I wrote "she/they". No "he", not yet. But...it was there.
At the end of the class the teacher collected the placards. I wanted to run back screaming, wanted to ask her for a new card so I could be safe again. But I didn't because I would look like a freak and a coward.
I still think it's stupid. I still think I've put some petty gesture that no one will ever respect (if they can call you she they won't ever call you they) above my own safety. The thing that really struck me was that it didn't feel good. The reason I wrote it like that, I believe in hindsight, is that I was curious what those other kids feel like, because it must feel good to declare that you're a tr*nny d*ke in front of the entire class, good enough to beat the stomach-lurching dread that precedes such an action. But it didn't. It just felt like an unnecessary risk. And it made me feel worse, like there was a target on the back of my head.
I think I could talk about this forever, about how so many kids believe coming out is this thing you're required to do to be a good gay, but it's not. It's stupid stupid reckless, and in my case it ends with you getting fucked over.
But Ive written for ages and gotten prosaic halfway through so I'm gonna shut up. Basically why the fuck do you guys come out to everyone like please stay safe instead of this it isn't worth it.
#tw d slur#tw f slur#tw homophobia#personal#i didnt hear much transphobia in my grade until towards the end of highschool#because nobody back then rly knew what a trans person was#also#long post#like REALLY long#t slur
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Rambling about The Stranded
Alright, after sleeping in way too long and getting myself a cup of coffee, maybe Iâll finally manage to wirte something coherent about The Stranded?
Spoilers for the whole series below, of course.
-I liked it? Probably wouldnât have watched it in one sitting if I didnât, but still. It was good.
-So I heavily recommend it. Although if youâre reading this you probably have watched it already so who am I even talking to lmao.
-Kinda hoped it would have been scarier though. There were some creepy moments but none that were truly scary. Which was a slight disappointment, but they probably werenât even going for straight up horror.
-That said though, I got a slight feeling that the series tried to do way too many things at once and lost itâs focus at times. They kinda kept switching the tone.
-Wich offered nice diversity and kept things fresh, BUT
-It kinda made the different aspects of the show feel a bit separate from each other. There was the horror-y stuff with supernatural aspects, then the relationship dramas, and then there was also the whole thing of the kids building a mini society on the island (or maybe more like how they kinda failed at that and everything just crumbled down).
-and also resulted in weird continuity issues like everyone just forgetting Arisa in the jungle for TWO WEEKS. I mean most of them probably didnât care, but what about Ying? To be fair, Arisa did kinda ditch her, but still. She seemed to just forget she even existed and wow.
-They all got over Joeyâs death a bit too quickly too, imo. Even though youâd think itâs a big shock for all of them. I mean sure, they just survived a tsunami and donât even know if their FAMILIES are alive, but Joey was still the first one among them to die, so it would have been nice if it had a bit more impact.
-Some of the more lighthearted aspects also felt out of place at times. Didnât bother me too much, but itâll probably be jarring to some people.
-Also it was slightly amusing how even in the desperate situation they were in, ppl still had time for relationship drama. But they are teenagers and all the stress is probably messing up their hormones real bad, so I guess itâs kinda understandable.
-Anyway, my main concern would be that they they donât manage to tie together these different sides of the shows in a meaningful way in the upcoming season(s).
-When Arisa first appeared on screen, like 2 minutes into the show, my first thought was literally; wow, I bet she likes girls? AND I MEAN-
-Speaking of which, the whole Arisa/Ying thing got me so confused. It was clear as day Arisa was attracted to her, but then she got all like âlol nopeâ. To be fair, it was most likely just the case of her not being ready to admit her feelings. But still, it frustrated me.
-ALSO then there was Arisa having a few moments with Nat towards the end of the series and Ying being patching things up with Ice.
-This is probably just me being way too into my âArisa must be a lesbianâ -headcanon, but I have a mini theory that she was actually in love with Mint.
-Istg if Arisa and Ying DONâT get together in the hypothetical s2, Iâm gonna be upset.
-Moving on from that, I also accidentally predicted May getting pregnant lmao.
-Canât really remember it clearly, but there was some scene scene in ep1 when I thought âhm, is she pregnant?â (I think they focused the camera on her stomach or something). Sure she wasnât at the moment, but still. Lol.
-I also kept wondering in any of them even used condoms. Did the island even have condoms? I mean probably yes, but Iâd be surprised if Ice and Ying hadnât already used them all.
-I guess it really was just a matter of time before someone got pregnant.
-My favorite characters ended up being Arisa, Ying and Nahm. Especially loved Arisa, which is absolutely no surprise at all.
-ALSO, I just have to say this, Ying is really beautiful?? Iâd be crushing on her too.
-Really hated Anan, but he was such an interesting character! Really complex, and I want to know more about him (and why he hates Kraam so much).
-Anan losing his shit over May cheating on him cracked me up bc I associate March too heavily with Phu and if youâve watched Hormones, YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID. You reap what you sow, honey.
-I have surprisingly little to say about Krit and Jack, even though I liked them?
-They mainly just shattered my heart. Like I legit wanted to cry when Jack died, howâs that even prossible? We didnât even know him for THAT long.
-Also, I probably shouldnât have watched LBC so close to this. At first I just kept seeing Perth and Mark as Ae and Kengkla and LET ME TELL YOU, it kinda cracked me up even among all the angst. It did go away pretty soon tho.
-I know Iâve wished a slow, painful death for Kengkla (no offense at all, iâm just... NOT fond of the character), BUT THIS IS UNRELATED. Jack did nothing wrong.
-Both Perth and Mark did such a great job and IâM PROUD OF THEM.
-Btw, the casting for Jack and Jan was perfect. The girl who played Jan really resembled Mark. They arenât actually related, are they?
-Btw, wouldnât it have been better to amputate Jackâs leg to stop the infection from spreading? Sure that would have had itâs own risks, but since his situation was already pretty desperate, they should have just taken the chance.
-In the same vein, couldnât they have used the generator to power up their phones? Kraam could have listened to the voice message his dad left, and WE WOULD HAVE ANSWERS.
-Okay, most likely not their top priority, but still.
-Gun confessing his love to sleeping Nat was so soft and I loved it.
-They most likely wonât end up together, but I want it so bad.
-Iâm still not sure what to think about ââthe teacherââ, or whoever she ends up being. Is she evil or not? Getting mixed signals here. Or maybe sheâs more like a neutral being, not truly evil or good.
-Nahm said sheâs not and she seems to be the most trustworthy of them all, but then again she DID have that weird dream. Is she under her influence?
-Took me a while to realize, but almost all of the people they showed at the end of the last episode, also acted in Hormones? No wonder they looked familiar.
-I kinda predicted we wouldnât get any real answers in this season, but Iâm still a bit frustrated. I WANNA KNOW WHATâS GOING ON.
I most likely forgot to include something, and my ramblings most likely make 0 sense, but if I want to add something Iâll just make a follow-up post.
I really hope the series does well enough for us to get a second season, because this series definitely NEEDS ONE.
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Character: The Cardcaptor herself?
HEY SORRY THIS ONE TOOK SO LONG i got writers block for it at some point i guess. its not as complete as i want it to be but i want to actually give you an answer jgjhfvjhfvjh
ANYWAY SAKURA TIIIME LETS GO . clear card post anime cutoff spoilers are referenced!
Why I like them:
sheâs wonderful. love so much her subversion of the chosen one trope, chosen not by the world or fate but by an individual, stuck at the center of the web and making the best of it. time and time again she is asked to use her power in the true clow tradition of taking and overpowering, and she says NO i am going to BE KIND and it is wonderful! transforming every card, bringing the whole magic system into an uplifted, kinder place.
i see that last battle with eriol as....well, the answer was to use kero and yueâs power to change light and dark, right? so i think itâs something eriol expected her to figure out on her own, for the last mark of her being recognized as clowâs successor being her ability to say âkero, yue, i need your power, pleaseâ and for them to unquestioningly do it. but she doesnât, she would never, and they choose to offer her THEIR help. she wouldnât put them in danger, she wouldnât take from them.
Why I donât:
what could you possibly hate about sakura? i do, however, dislike how clear card sort of writes her as a danger to herself. i dont like the implication that power itself is the corrupting thing and not the way people treat those with power. i want to see sakura being absolutely fine no matter how strong she gets because the people around her know she wonât lash out if they give her loving criticism, and i want to see her be at the center of decisions concerning herself from now on.Â
Favorite episode (scene if movie):
a LOTTTTT of scenes but the first three that come to my mind right now are âi want us to be friends, not master or anything like thatâ , her transforming the nothing into the hope, and her asking eriol to help her play the piano so she could give a present to the cards. ITâS ABOUT THE KINDNESS!!!!!
OH ALSO WHEN SHE PREPARES HERSELF TO REMEMBER ALL OF HER DEAR FRIENDS IN THE DREAM CARD EPISODE SO THAT SHE CAN BUST 90% OF THE WAY OUT OF CALAMITYWORLD WITHOUT THE BELL ALL BY HERSELF.
OH ALSO IN THE MANGA WHEN SHE CRASHES HEADFIRST INTO THE TRUTH OF CLOWâS DEATH AND ERIOL AND FUJITAKAâS BIRTHS.
OH AND IN THE ANIME WHEN SHE ACTIVATES HER STAR CIRCLE THE FIRST TIME AND TRANSFORMS HER FIRST CARD. AND ALSO WHEN SHE MAKES LI A YUKATA AND/OR SCARF. AND ALSO------ (theres a lot) (i could just keep listing scenes honestly)
Favorite season/movie:
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sakura card arc but itâs a tough call.
Favorite line:Â
hoeeeeeeeeee????? hanyannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, etc etc. she has a lot of really great sounds.
Favorite outfit:Â
HOW CAN I CHOOOOOSE?????? uhhhhhm anime judgement, anime back in time/vs eriol fight, the silent card capture outfit, that illustration where shes got suspenders. idk 90% of her outfits are THE BEST
OTP:Â
listen it took me a while but sakusyao good okay. i talked abt it in my syaoran answer already but theyâre good.
Brotp:Â
SO many good choices here. her and kero!! her and yukito and yue!!! her and tomoyo!!! the literal bro-tp, her and touya!!!! her and all her friends in class!!!
okay i couldnt get myself to expand as much as the words actually are in my head but, some points as i format this n hit post -i love that sheâs enthusiastic abt her friendship with tomoyo, reaches for her when the teacher says to pair off, runs to her when sheâs upset. i love that we see them be best friends, not just we are told that they are and in practice sakura just nervous-smiles to tomoyoâs obsession. i think sometimes their friendship can get a little bit lost in the Gimmick so it makes me cherish those times it shines out.
-i love her lil baby crush on yukito so long as we are all on the same page that its Not Something That Should Be Reciprocated. yukito is being nice to kids bc well duh theyre kids and also this is the best way to get FREE CANDY and also uhhhm,,, if touya is in the area then thats a coincidence,,,,,,, but he gets to be like an extra brother to sakura and watch her grow up!Â
Head Canon:
uhhhhhm she has adhd
Unpopular opinion:Â
while i havent really seen it i feel like theres definitely room for ppl to think of sakura as a âmary-sueâ or a character who hasnt âearnedâ her power and had everything arranged just so in order that she gets it, and like.......yeah thatâs the point of the story. sakura did nothing to âearnâ her successorship and she has to rise to the occasion anyway and thatâs not a bad thing, thatâs an interesting story.Â
A wish:Â
GET THAT BEAR BACK OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD. Â
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:Â
yknow i had âbad things :((â as filler text here but i think i was right
 5 words to best describe them:Â
itâll DEFINITELY be all right!Â
My nickname for them:
uhm im not sure if i have one? or if i do im forgetting something obvious
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studying w/ lee byounggon!
hello cutest ppl of the world!!! here is a present for u <3Â and pls read my scenario for bad boy gon!! or soft blurb gon
studying w/ lee byounggon                                           (a bad idea)
OK SO you and byounggon have AP biology together, and somehow, by the grace of GOd himself, youâve made it to the end of the year
Itâs time for ur final exam!!! yay!!  because u can finally peace TF out of that class, but aww :â(( bc you have a final exam with 100 multiple choice  and 10 written questions đ
some of ur ap bio shenanigans have included:
byounggon reading multiple questions OUT LOUD while you are writing the test and he literally doesnât even notice
Like he just does it so naturally??? youâll be side eyeing him through the divider that separates your desks
in your head, youâll be like âAHEMMMM at LEAST read out the answers too damn ...â
He does not read out the answers :/
even tho it can be kind of off-putting, his voice is rlly deep and soothing!!!! so honestly it kind of helps your test anxiety
......but u will never admit that... he would have too much power
you and byounggon once made an animal cell out of rice krispy treats & candy
you guys left the project to the very last minute because collectively u have one brain cell
U guys started building but then u ate so much candy, you ended up pukingđ€ź
After u had released the #barf, you and byounggon choose to cuddle up on the couch and u just chill for a couple hours
Somehow u convinced him to watch bird box????? He was DYING!!!
But itâs ok bc ur the Best Significant Other Ever and you used imdb to research every possible death scene!! and u gave him a solid 3 second warning every time
ONE TIME u were just a little bit off and he watched something a lil gruesome
U lost ur abiliity to hear from the scream that he released
âim never watching a movie with you AGAIN!â
âi said i was SORRY sodfjsdiofjsdioâ
He complained for so long but then you promised youâd make it up to him with some kisses and he was like.... âhehehe ok im downâ
a whole baby!!!!!
Its around 11pm now!! You and gon are cuddling on the couch, and itâs so warm, and cute, and wholesome <333
Ur running ur fingers through his soft hair and playing with his fingers; heâs just calmly humming and loving every minute of this
u start to close ur eyes and u feel kinda sleepy, so you lay your head on byounggonâs chest and just nestle in
youâre about to say âgoodnight chiefâ and call it a night
But something feels off?
u suddenly shoot TF up and your mind is racing and ur like âthE PROJECT Â !!â, real movie type shit
Ur trying not to LOSE UR MIND while byounggon is just snoring away... his arms are wrapped so tightly around u, and ur mind is still 23% asleep
honestly... maybe u should just lean back into his chest and fall asleep....
But then ur guilt complex is like âNO the pROJECTâ
U want to wake him up but Byounggon: has left the chat
You start poking at his cheek erratically, and when he FINALLY wakes up, heâs all mumbley and tired and CUTE
U break the tragic news to him and now youâre both contemplating mental breakdowns
For the next 6 hours you guys are DEDICATED to this project
U show up to school the next morning with ur masterpiece:
(yall i rlly made that shit, respect me)
your eyes are SO unbelievably red, and for some reason, ur hair has marshmallow fluff in it????? u have to convince byounggon not to eat that shit on four separate occasions
âIt looks yummyâ
âPLS restrain urselfâ
So ur looking a little bit busted, but still cute, bc ur BEAUTIFUL nd sexy
SOMEHOW byounggon still looks perfect???? He looks like heâs just been rejuvenated by 10 hours of sleep; his skin is glowing and his eyes are twinkling... #unfair
when u guys show up to class, your teacher is sO happy with your project!!!!
but then she takes one look at you and sheâs like, â(y/n) can i talk to you for a minute pls?â
â uhh yeah ok, sure!!â
U think sheâs about to tell you that sheâs so proud of you both for coming up with such a creative idea, and for doing such a good job with the materials u used, but then sheâs like:
â(y/n) ur eyes are so redâ
ur kinda :â((( bc u think sheâs about to scold you for pulling an allnighter...sheâs a mama bear
âPls stop smoking before class itâs rlly inappropriateâ
Ur mouth is dropped WIDE open and byounggon is in the corner, snickering the sleep deprivation away: u want to kILL HIM!
Honestly, ur so shook, u kinda just stand there in silence while your teacher just shakes her head and does one of those âtsk tsk tskâ things and walks away
When u go back to ur desk, byounggon is like, âyea (y/n), u should rlly stop smoking at school, itâs super rude and honestly kind of distract-â
The look u give him makes him shut UP IMMEDIATELY
but then he just cranes his long arms around ur waist and smiles into the crook of ur neck and heâs like: âbaby im sorry i love uâ
So wholesome :â))))
Ur choked up?? And after all that work, a little bit delirious? U lean back into him and tilt ur head to the side so he can kiss u
when he pulls away he gives u this rlly uneven smirk
âeven if u smoke before classâ
âRUN AWAY RIGHT NOW OR IM GONNA [redacted]â
A couple weeks later, u guys have to do this lab on human heart rate and metabolism
bc byounggon is ur deskmate, heâs also ur lab partner (unfortunately)
Byounggon is RLLY SMART, but honestly u guys are just rlly unproductive when ur together bc u just want to. . .. hug him (relatable)
For one part of the lab, somebody needs to stick their hand into ice water while the other person monitors their heart rate
Byounggon REALLY passionately wants to be the one to dunk his hand in the water tank and ur just like âlmao ok calm downâ
HIS HAND HAS BEEN IN THE ICE WATER FOR THREE MINUTES
@ this point, ur concerned x 3493049304930
Heâs just like: âim FINE itâs FINE, keep goingâ
His eyes are TWITCHING
U have to forcefully yank his hand out of the water because he literally will NOT??? why is he like this
But itâs ok bc u warmed up his hand with lots hand holding and sweet lil kisses <333333
overall, bio have been a WILD ride, but byounggon has made it so much more enjoyable,,, and u guys love each other lots,,, (y/n) and byounggon for cutest couple 2k19 Â đ
Okay so now for the studying!!!
byounggon kind of had to beg to get you to study with him at the library
but thatâs only because every time u study with him, u dont retain SHIT, bc ur too busy drooling over his jawline
U wanted to be rlly strict and firm so you could actually be well prepared!!!! But when he started whining and hugging on you,,,, what wEre you SUppOSED to DO?!?
So NOW, u and gon are at the library
U make him sit across from u
Because the lord knows, if heâs sitting next to, he will not stop kissing ur face and u RLLY need to do some learning!!! Studious Queen
twelve minutes into mitosis and chill, byounggon is pouting and using his biology textbook as a pillow
Literally byounggon is the kind of guy that looks like heâd be a rlly messy student, but he will take one look at the textbook, and get a 96%
So ofc, heâs like... âstudying... whoâs she?â
Heâs just staring at you
In this moment, u look SO CUTE, bc ur head is burried in your book, and ur hair is adorably messy, and ur eyebrows are scrunched together bc ur rlly focused
Ur the cutest thing he ever saw?????
âGon,,, baby u have to stop staring at me,, i canât concentrateâ
Heâs so GOOFY
âim nooooooooootâ
(he totally is)
Itâs been about two hours?? Byounggon took a power nap, and u reviewed everything u possibly could,,, now u just want byounggon to hum u to sleep
byounggon is POWERED UP (stream power up by red velvet) Â from his nap and heâs very, very, very giddy
And a lil clingy bc u havenât cuddled him today yet :/
Heâs been saying âmitochondria is the powerhouse of the cellâ for about 8 minutes,,, u would throw ur bag of hot cheetos at him but heâs just too pretty
Heâs laughing AT HIMSELF
Ur shaking ur head and laughing at him too
The librarian POPS UP out of literally nowhere?? She looks at byounggon playing candy crush on his phone and sheâs like âSHHHHHHHHHH!!! young man! you are being so disrespectful! this place is for students to study! U need to leave immediatelyâ
Sheâs about to point her finger at you too, but then:
âMaâam iâve never seen this boy in my whole lifeâ đ
Byounggon is Taken Abackâą
He rlly canât believe u just did that
U start laughing so hard bc PAYBACK
But his mind is just thinking.. . âtop ten worst anime betrayals of all timeâ
The librarian is so annoyed with both of you she just turns around and mumbles something like âstupID KIDSâ
U have to lug byounggon outside bc now heâs #embarrassed bc of the librarian, and #hurt because u threw him under the bus
Heâs still pretending to be upset by the time u guys make it back to his house, and u have to give him all sorts of compliments to make everything okay again
âur chin.... is straight SEXYâ
âi think itâs cute that u eat bananas with srirachaâ
âi, for one, like the screams you make when we watch horror moviesâ
THE COMPLIMENTS ARE SO STUPID BUT FOR SOME REASON HEâS BLUSHING???? blushy babyyyyy đ
u conclude with a veryyyy sweet kiss on his lips
letâs just say... he forgives u
THE NEXT DAY!!! Itâs time for ur exam omgomg :â))))))
byounggon finishes that shit in 26 minutes and somehow ends up getting a 92%
it took u a solid 48 minutes and u ended up with a nice and spicy 90%
he gets the better mark bc heâs god Lee Byounggon??? U will never understand bc he rlly doesnât even try.... U canât relate
But itâs ok
Because heâs the cutest thing to ever exist in the world, and even if he makes u the most unproductive person in existence, u love him more than anything <333
And he loves u bby!!!!!
the librarian, on the other, loves neither of u đ ......
THE END ! ! ! !
i love u all!! and thank u for ur support!! hit like if u feel bad for the librarian  đ
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psst answer all those unusual asks!!
so,, man y omg
started 12:24 am
Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify!
is your room messy or clean?answered!
what color are your eyes?brown!
do you like your name? why?ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ i am neutral
what is your relationship status? dating @dreamui!
describe your personality in 3 words or lessanswered!
what color hair do you have?black!
what kind of car do you drive? color?i c an t drive
where do you shop?uhh mostly forever 21 and i used to shop @ wet seal until it died
how would you describe your style?i have no idea tbh,, grunge sometimes and jus kind of whatevers trendy other times
favorite social media accountanswered!
what size bed do you have? queen!
any siblings?8!
if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?uhh tbh just austin would be nice?? id rlly like to just live in austin it seems like a really good city especially for the south
favorite snapchat filter? dog filter đ¶
favorite makeup brand(s)i like colourpop! i only rlly wear highlighter tho?? fenty beauty seems rlly gr8 too ofc thank u rihanna
how many times a week do you shower?i bathe with olive oil and a strigil like the ancient greeks sucker
favorite tv show?cxgf!! or jtv
shoe size?7.5
how tall are you?5âČ4âłish
sandals or sneakers? sneakers!
do you go to the gym?lmao no
describe your dream dateanywhere w my bb! i really like just going to places like the mall and walking around tbh but ofc restaurant dates r nice?? im not as romantic as id like to b rip
how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?5 dollars
what color socks are you wearing? white!
how many pillows do you sleep with?none i dont like pillows
do you have a job? what do you do? [looks out the window]
how many friends do you have? uhhh around 15
[this ones too negative]
whats your favorite candle scent? anything vanilla tbh!
3 favorite boy namesorion, adante, troy
3 favorite girl namesquinn, zuri, cherry
favorite actor? ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
favorite actress? zendaya!!
who is your celebrity crush?zendaya!!!! or arian grande
favorite movie? answered!
do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?n,,, i dont read a lot i dont have the attention span
money or brains? brains bc i can jus,, get money if i make some life changing shit
do you have a nickname? what is it? daizy Â°Ë â§â(â ăź â)ââ§Ë °
how many times have you been to the hospital?i dont keep count tbh!! its not that many tho
top 10 favorite songshoney - kehlaniwait a minute! - willowthe other side of paradise - glass animalsbad decisions - ariana grandeperfect places - lordegravel to tempo - hayley kiyokoveggies - aminewild thoughts - dj kahled but lets be real rihanna owns the ssex - the 1975team - babeo baggins
do you take any medications daily? yyyy i should but its jus for stomach stuff so its not a Big Concern
what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)dry-average
what is your biggest fear?ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
how many kids do you want? 1 to 2
whats your go to hair style?short and manageable
what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) small
who is your role model? ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
what was the last compliment you received?@dreamui gave me a lot in the ask thing she got today!! ////
what was the last text you sent?âhorrifiedâ
how old were you when you found out santa wasnât real?i always knew bc my mama didnt want me thinking a white man was giving me presents when it was her
what is your dream car? i,, dont know
opinion on smoking?i dont like ppl tht smoke cigarettes?? at least not the ppl tht smoke them in public non-smoking spaces or get mad when ppl r upset they have to breathe their fuckign shit air bu t ppl tht jus smoke weed r chill but i assume this was abt cigarettes
do you go to college? going to eventually ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
what is your dream job? elementary school teacher!
would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs!
do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? hm i havent been to a hotel since i w as like,, 7?? but i dont think i have and idk if i would! ik some hotels r chill w it tho
do you have freckles? nahhh i dont
do you smile for pictures?i try to!!
how many pictures do you have on your phone? 430
have you ever peed in the woods? ye s it was a p mundane experience
do you still watch cartoons? yeah for sure!
do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendyâs or McDonalds?crie s i love them both
Favorite dipping sauce? hmm i think maybe honey mustard
what do you wear to bed? whatever stuff i threw on after showering
have you ever won a spelling bee?na h i never entered i was too anxious
what are your hobbies?drawing, playing the sims, making ocs, writing vns that i never finish, cooking, gardening
can you draw? yeah!!
do you play an instrument?yeah! ukulele a little
what was the last concert you saw? uhhh oh god idk if ive been to a real one
tea or coffee?answered!
Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?starbucks
do you want to get married?yes!! i do for sure
what is your crushâs first and last initial?cl
are you going to change your last name when you get married? yeah probably!
what color looks best on you? yellow i think?
do you miss anyone right now? yes my gf!! ăăă(ÂŽïŒŻ`) ăăă
do you sleep with your door open or closed?open usually bc my mom used to never let us close doors ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
do you believe in ghosts?mild belief i hav mild ghost belief
what is your biggest pet peeve? oh god i dont even know???
last person you called@dreamui!!
favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry rn!
regular oreos or golden oreos? golden oreos
chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow!
what shirt are you wearing? this fuzzy blue pajama hoodie w bear ears tht i got for christmas
what is your phone background?lil pineapple guy
are you outgoing or shy?shyyy but im good at pretending to b outgoing
do you like it when people play with your hair?n o unless its my gf
do you like your neighbors? i like the gays that live above me
do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?i dooo, in the morning.
have you ever been high? nope!
have you ever been drunk? nah!
last thing you ate? fried rice & chicken
favorite lyrics right nowâi like my girls just like i like my honey; sweet, a little selfish.â
summer or winter? winter in tx is always better
day or night? day!
dark, milk, or white chocolate?dark!
favorite month? mayyyy
what is your zodiac signtaurus
who was the last person you cried in front of? @dreamui probably!
finished @ 1:17 am to b fair i zoned out a lot
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All
god bless you
1- what will you be doing in an hour?probably lying in bed being a depressed piece of shit
2- ever had sex?nah
3- how many people do you currently want to punch in the face?none atm
4- who do you miss the most right now?uhh idk reallyÂ
5- how and when did you meet your best friend?second grade, i was a new student half way through the year and she (she is the person asking this) and i became friends, i moved away at the end of the year but moved back in sixth grade and we became friends again
6- least favorite song in the world?that one fucking humps song
7- least favorite song by your favorite musician?i donât think i have one
8- where are you right now?my room
9- what do you hear in the background?music
10- last time seen a band live?i saw the 1975 a few months ago
11- someone you want to be with right now?im being called out
12- how did you celebrate your last birthday?i went to the beach
13- do you prefer ass or boobs?i donât really have a preference
14- favorite animal?idk
15- favorite musician who died?i didnât really excessively listen to any musician who died
16- indoors or outdoors?indoors
17- what will you do if you right now in your age get pregnant or get someone else pregnant?i never really thought of it i guess because i was never into someone with a dick? so i would have no way of getting pregnant but uh. i guess i would tell friends first and eventually work up the courage to tell my mom and make it clear that it was an accident because it absolutely would be and my mom isnât against me having sex so it wouldnât be absolutely horrible and iâd probably get an abortion because iâm young and donât even really want kids anyway
18- do you wear makeup on a daily basis?i wear it if im going somewhere or someone is coming here, including school
19- favorite joke?the only thing i can think of atm that still makes me laugh when i think about it because it was just so very perfect was this one time after drama club a bunch of us were chillin and having a casual conversation about what if you broke your neck while trying to suck your own dick so like. weâre talking about how youâd explain that to your teacher and this motherfucker goes âyeah i just, was uh, wresting with my brother and i⊠well⊠i took quite the blowâ we all lost it
20- last person who called you?my mom
21- last person to send u a text?sarah (you)
22- last person you sent a text to?also sarah
23- how easily do you fall in love?idk really? i only really develop even a crush when i donât want it iâll be like âok i just need some time to not be concerned about romance iâm done for a whileâ and my heart is like :) i donât think itâs easy for me to fall in love it takes a while of knowing them for me mostly but i do have very strong crushes when i get them
24- how much money do you have in your wallet?two dollars and seventy five cents
25- are you on your phone or computer?computer
26- last person you talk to face to face?my brother i think
27- last song you listened to?welcome to the jungle by guns nâ roses
28- if you could have any super power, which would it be?teleportation thatâd be rad
29- favorite tv show?i donât really watch tv
30- how bored are you right now that your answering this shit?not at all, i was watching a movie but i went to my room bc i was excited to answer them
31- country you want to visit?idk really, i donât think of dreams like that iâm more concerned with just not dying
32- ever left your home country?no
33- favorite guitar solo ever?idk
34- something good you remember from your childhood?when i was young enough to not be that fantastic a reader but old enough to be able to do it my dad and i would read books together, meaning he could read most of it and then once in a while he would stop and ask me to read a page. we read matilda and alice in wonderland and alice through the looking glass together
35- ever wanted to kill yourself?yeah
36- if yes, what saved your life?sarah (you)
37- what kind of house you want to live in?i donât care so long as iâm happy
38- weirdest thing that has happened to you today?i had a pretty average day so idk
39- what do you watch on youtube when you do?game grumps or makeup tutorials
40- tell a funny story that has happened to youi canât really think of a good one rn but im p sure iâve told the story of my eight grade science teacherâs short story he wrote in high school that i found in another ask so if anyone wants to look for that
41- tell a romantic story that has happened to youtbh i donât think i have a special story theres like âgot asked out by a noteâ and âkissed on my couchâ but most ppl have one of those stories too so
42- do you like babies?theyâre cute but iâd struggle with taking care of my own
43- what big difference do you think will happen to you in a year?hopefully iâll be with a good therapist, diagnosed with depression, and hopefully on meds for it
44- whatâs your blog about?my stupid self and life
45- do you have a piece of jewelry you never take off?nah
46- do you like your name?yeah i chose it
47- what would people that doesnât know your name call you if they want your attention?probably like âyou, with the ___â and something about my makeup or hair bc that tends to be what people notice about me
48- tell an awkward story that happened to youi did anything, ever
49- are you more of a jock/rebel/nerd?if weâre talking about high school cliques iâm not really in any of those iâm in the group of gays that all sit together at lunch and everyone knows theyâre gay
50- congratulations, someone asked you shit and you answered it. kinda sad that itâs probably the biggest part of your day ha? ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
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im... a sucker 4 surveys hey!!!
1: What is your name and does it mean anything?
marinella, someone told me it means âtravellerâ but i highly doubt that i like the break down of my name more marina, meaning âof the seaâ and ella for âguiding lightâ
2: How long have you known your best friend?Â
my best friend sweetlana!!! been my good friend!!! for 7 DANG YEARS!!!Â
3: What position do you normally sleep in?Â
i sleep in fetal/yearning position and i think the description of the personalities that sleep in fetal/yearning position is very accurate
4: Were you a part of any âcliqueâ in high school?
mmm i hung out with a lot of different people in high school i went through several cliques in the span of my four years i hung out with âpopularâ people, artsy groups, anime nerds, and drama people
5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why?Â
my biggest inspiration was my speech and drama teacher!! i love u miss macuha!!! one time i was crying about her leaving and she grabbed me by the shoulders and told me to never back down and keep doing what iâm doing and that some day iâll be a great performer and i bawled on her lap sheâs an angel and to this day her words still haunt me!! i never felt the reward a teacher reaped from seeing a student reach their full potential
6: Do you wish to travel a lot?
because im so young i do think about travelling a lot but it makes me sad to think about never being able to travel and i have gone to places but i wish i could see other grander countries i never had the opportunity to see
7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?
um...... i played badminton lmaoÂ
8: Show a sample of your handwriting:
how tho
9: Have you ever given blood?
apparently if ur anemic or have history of anemia then u canât donate blood which makes me sad if i could i would!!!
10: Do you like the way that you grew up?
besides all the fun i had i wish i grew up more confident i am a very doubtful person and i grew up in a pretty hostile home and it felt very scattered and broken to me and i just wish those situations were different, other than that i think i am lucky to grow up ok
11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?
i like all of my sisters but they can get very frustrating at times i think we stand better now than we did as kids
12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?
i met sweetlana on the strokes tumblr tinychat back when they had a roaring fandom and we discovered that weâre both from chicago and weâd talk about silly things and we lost touch for a while but then we reconnected and sheâs so darling!!! she would show me her paintings of the blues brothers and weâd talk about our hopes and wishes and now i realize weâve been doing that for 7 years!!! all we do is exchange selfies and drawings and fantasize about crushes !!!i love her! i canât imagine not knowing her and never meeting her!
13: Name one movie that made you cry.
my girl.......... shit dude
14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?
iâm not poetic but i like to HEAR poetry i love hearing the deliveryÂ
15: Things about someone that you find attractive?
i love people who are kind and thoughtful which is rly generic i also love the funny it doesnât even have to be calculated jokes it can just be the way you said something or a facial expression i like people who manage to share a language with me that canât be figured out by other people i think having a connection to a person where you can read each others minds can b creepy but also cool cuz u hang out w them so often that you can basically understand each other without much effortÂ
16: What song are you currently listening to now?
year of the rabbit by eskimeaux
17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?
nopeÂ
18: A random memory from you childhood:
going to chinatown and racing to the chinese zodiac signs and climbing up the stairs with my sisters, getting sponge cake and walking around the old sanrio store pointing out what i want
19: Where did you grow up? chicagoÂ
20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?
lmao weâre watching 13RW and its not for everyone but i read the book and im v invested
21: Do you think youâd make a good parent?
really!! hope id be! i mean i am cool with or without having kids but i want to be a good parent
22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?
i already met some of my tumblr friends!! i met sweetlana and coney!!! i would like to meet @iamonmy-way when will i meet u!!!Â
22: What was the last dream you remember having?
my phone was hacked and it looked like internet explorer on my iphone and my cousin tried to retrieve back to normal by playing against my hacker on a boss battle level of mario
23: When is your birthday?
june 2 :---)
24: How many pillows do you sleep with?Â
2 and 1 reading pillow ^_^
25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?
iâve been wearing eye glasses since i was 6 and iâm 21 now so u do the math bud
26: What color is your hair?
black/brown
27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:
ive been told i have a nice complexion, small mouth, chubby cheeks, small hands and long torso
28: What is your favorite soda?
cream.. soda... i need to go to Hell
29: What is a strange talent that you have?
reading peoples moods online lmaoÂ
30: Howâs the weather right now?
a cool and calming eveningÂ
31: Why did one of your friendships end?
this question makes me sad lmao
32: Who do you miss right now?
oops i canât reveal who or what or when but i am missing someone
33: Why did your last relationship end?
because i realized i donât like them that much and that i donât understand dating I AM A VERY CONFUSED PERSON when i reflect on dating i realize i hate it so much but also crave it but when i have it iâm very repulsed
34: Are you still figuring out who you are?Â
yes!!! i am frustrated at myself because i donât know who i am or what i want and i feel like it has set me back so much that iâm stagnantÂ
35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why?Â
ya i had dengue fever and it was probably the most concerned iâve seen my parents with me
36: What is your favorite restaurant?
pastaria!!! in st louis!! itâs so good!
37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?
privilegeÂ
38: Would ever adopt kids?
not against the idea of adopting children!!!Â
39: What is your favorite kind of pizza?
i like spinach on my pizza
40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
why is it so dreadful to find yourself in bed with a whole day ahead of you
41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why?Â
um!!! my crush!!! k*rt !!! when we played the game!! and they were teasing and attacking me during the game! ah!!!Â
42: Whatâs the strangest thing youâve ever eaten?
defo dinuguan (pigs blood stew)!! i dont recommend!! i just dip my puto in the sauce and call it a day! not a laman fan!Â
43: How do you start a conversation?
i tell them something embarrassing thatâs also relateable and revealing and hope they find me somebody to be comfortable around!!!
44: Whatâs a band youâve been obsessed with lately?
i hate answering this....... but joji........
45: Do you come from a family âof money?â
nah dude
46: Do you have a bucket list?
i think thatâs what my life was missing tbh
47: What is your favorite series of books?
i donât know i havenât read a series of books in quite a long time i think i pretended to like percy jackson in high school lmao and i was such a nerd for hunger games but i donât think anything could replace my deepest love for series of unfortunate events, the boxcar children, judy moody, and horrible harry! ooh! and amelia bedelia!!!
48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?
i laughed rly hard last night cause patrick was so invested in 13 reasons why and my sister n i kept asking 4 justice 4 zach dempsey and patrick threw a pillow at me for saying that what zach did was severe in hannahâs eyes
49: Where do you go when youâre sad?
i slip into bed and silently cry or if i donât need that i cry in the shower ahhh how pathetic
50: 5 random facts about yourself:
i actually am rly good at acting and i donât think anybody but high school and college ppl know this, iâm painfully shy, i donât like mayo!! all of my goldfish in the past have all been named variations of âFreddyâ and !!! i am rly good at stitch (from disneyâs lilo and stitch) impressions
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Random personal cause im bored
1. Name: Just call me Nisi <3
2. Birthplace: Portugal
3. Ancestry: nhé
4. Zodiac Sign: Gemini
5. Biggest fear: the dark
6. Strength/Weakness:im super patient / i cry easly
7. Worst habit:mumbling
8. Favorite holiday: hmmm...x.mas? idk i like free days in general
9. Ever been in a car crash:nop
10. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher: yes
11. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house: take my shoes off
12. Age at first kiss:14/15??? dont really remember CAUSE IT SUCKED
13. When did you fall in love for the first time: school
14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long: PFFF longest friends ahaha
15. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: getting my sale site to work
16. What were you doing at midnight last night: working and talking with friends
17. When was the last time you laughed hard: right now
18. Who was the last person that told you they love you: my bf
19. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning: text bf
20. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with: hmmm walk in the park i think with my 1 bf
21. Whoâs wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen: never was but i loved my cusinâs wedding <3
22. Who did you see in concert first:my bf? idk
23. Who was your favorite teacher:UFF i have too many? but i like my actual museum teacher <3
24. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day:my bf
25. Who do you think about most: my bf (fuck)
26. Is your ideal occupation? drawing memes
27. Beer, wine, or liquor? liquor
28. Favourite restaurant? the restaurant dont my street its called Pana Cota
29. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? ALL OF THEM but maybe coffee
30. McDonlads or Burger King? Mac
31. Fantasy dinner guest(s)? Rock Lee and Nico (oh god)
32. Have you ever been drunk? When was the last time? never
33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk? nothing
34. Wonder Woman or Cat Woman? Diana <3
35. How many pets do you have? none
36. What would be the first thing you bought if you won the lottery? i fucking credit card
37. When was the first time you smoked? never
38. Who last sent you a text? my bf
39. Who did you last send a text to? my bf
40. What 4 things would you take to a desert island? a boat, a map, food, those light guns for s.o.s
41. Name the 3 most important people in your life? my mom, my bf, my brother
42. Favorite song? dont have one but im super into Ken Ashcorp
43. Favorite movie? hmmm Spirited Away maybe? nostalgia is a fucked up thing
44. When did you last cuddle someone? yesterday
45. When did you last have sex? yesterday (making love tho)
46. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? TURN OFF ALL LIGHTS
47. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute? not being ok anymore, i dont cause everything passes with time <3
48. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? i dont know most of them :V
49. What relationships have ended? But you canât let go? my ex friend that still fucks with my head
50. Where would you take a road trip? hmmm Porto
51. How do Mondays feel for you? nhé dont bother
52. If you could spend ten minutes with your âheroâ alive or dead what would you ask them? DUDE HOW CAN U BE SO AMAZING
53. Do your practice âself loveâ or âself loathingâ? buddy u ok also u cute and ull be fine <3 dont worry about your legs cause damn thighs
54. Whatâs your greatest achievement to date? being ok with myself
55. What scares you about your future? not finding a stable job, not getting a house or any money :c
56. Why does pizza come in a square box? cause square boxes are easier to make?
57. What would happen if you knew you could not fail? i would do everything
58. How does it feel to be photographed? if i allow its amazing if not its awkward and upsetting
59. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? the ones i crawled for my ex like a dog
60. Do you want your children (if you have any) to be âjust like youâ? no, im to stressfull and have too much anxiety
61. Do you stand for what you believe in or are you pleasing others? first one
62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life? be happy on my own house and drawing for fun <3
63. What are you thankful for, this moment? being happy and appreciated
64. Do you have same sex fantasies? not really ?
65. If you have had sex in a public place, where? i didnt
66. Have you ever cried during/after sex? yes before and after
67. Who is the oldest person youâve had sex with? my bf he is only 4 months older tho
68. Who is the youngest person youâve had sex with? my 1 ex with 6 months difference
69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner? none! but dominant is cool
70. How tall are you? 1.73MÂ
71. How much do you weigh? 60k Â
72. What color is your hair naturally? Â Dark brown
73. What size jeans do you wear? 40 and 42 (big legs and butts)Â
74. What is your favorite color to wear? Â to wear i like dark red or yellow but i love purpleÂ
75. Do you have any piercings? Â Â i wish
76. Do you have any tattoos? Â Â no
77. Do you care how other people see you? alot  Â
78. Do you like sports? Â Â i do
79. How do you feel about age differences in relationships? Â if its not astonomic its ok
80. How do you feel about race differences in relationships? Â Â i dont mind i love everyone <3
81. Do you believe in karma or fate? Â Â i do
82. Do you keep a journal? Â Â not anymore only when i was depressed
83. Describe the last dream you remember: Â nazis bombing the place i was ...
84. Describe your favorite dream: i like those calm ones where im just chilling Â
85. Where are some places you would like to visit? Â Â japan and italy and france
86. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? Â Â fucking gorillaz but they dont come to portugal for 15 years
87. What music do you listen to when you are happy? Â Â all kinds of music tbh
88. What music do you listen to when you are mad? Â Â all kinds? im never mad
89. Do you like to burn candles or incense? Â Â nah, they make my nose weird
90. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Â Â hmm champagne?
91. What are your favorite alcoholic beverages? Â Â i dont really drink so i think i dont have one
92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? none im an angel
93. Who is your number 1 friend and why is he or she there? Â Â my bf cause heâs super happy for me to be me
94. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? Â Â yes
95. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? oh god no! only if single
96. Would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath? on both
97. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? i wish
98. Do you think your last ex still wants to be with you? nop
99. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? yes
100. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people? everyone is ok <3 i love everyone
101. How often do you brush your teeth? everyday
102. How often do you shower? Â When was the last time you had a shower?day yes day no, yesterday
103. How often do you shave your legs? when i have to
104. Political affiliation? nop
105. Opinion on abortion? if ur not in condions to have a kid then do it
106. Opinion on immigrants/ immigration reform? if u need do it, just be nice to ppl
107. Should prostitution be legalized?   sure?
108. How old would you be if you didnât know how old you are? i would ask
109. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we donât like and like so many things we donât do? sometimes we do stuff we dont like to achive something good!
110. What is the one thing youâd most like to change about the world? no more war pls
111. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? drawing and hugs
112. Would you break the law to save a loved one? yes
113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? porto maybe!
114. Why are you the person you are? i dont fucking know!
115. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? yes
116. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? different conditions prolly
117. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? fart in public
118. Were you happy when you woke up today? i guess?
119. Whatâs a fact about the last person who text messaged you? he loves me?
120. Want someone back in your life? yes
121. What are you excited for? new upcoming anime conventions
122. Are you scared to fall in love? nop
123. When is your next road trip? this friday to monday
124. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? eat
125. Do you like to cuddle? yup loads
126. Have you ever kissed more than one person in 24 hours? nop
127. Plans for tomorrow? school and work
128. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? too much unfortunatlly
129. How is life going for you right now? great yet stressfull
130. If you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept? sure?
131. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? my bf
132. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? doing it for 2 years now
133. If you could have one super power what would it be? supa fast so i could finish the fucking essay
134. Background on your cell phone? yes scott pilgrim foto
135. What are you thinking about right this second? about responding this
136. Last book you read? How was it? harry potter the number 6 loved it
137. What is the last thing you bought? food
138. Do you live with your parents? yes
139. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? not really
140. Have you ever met a celebrity? yes
141. What are you like when youâre drunk? i dont get drunk
142. What are you like when youâre high? i dont get high
143. Do you want children? yes
144. Do you want a church wedding? no
145. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1
146. Have you ever been scuba diving? no
147. Who was your first real crush? a stupid guy
148. What are you allergic to? spring in general
149. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? yes gonçalo,henrique,mariana
150. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? either is fine <3
151. How did you get your name? mom chose
152. Name one thing about your body you love? my cheeks and freckles
153. What is your biggest goal in life? getting money to live without help
154. Do you still have feelings for your ex? NOP HE WISHED
155. Do you think aliens are real? yes
156. What age did you start drinking? I DONT DRINK! its only on special ocasions
157. What do you think of President Obama? he cool and sweet
158. Do you think youâll be in a relationship two months from now? yes
159. Describe your dream girl/guy? girl-smaller than me or same high, short or medium size hair, dark brown hair (or ginger)and eye color, a lil curvy/chubby guy- talelr than me, big! like a bear! dark hair and eyes
160. Story of your first kiss?
he asked me if i kissed before and i lied saying yes we kissed LOL
161. Story of the first time you made out with someone? SAME THING
162. Story of the first time you had sex?
mutual concent with my bf at the time and we did it but as soon and i bled we stopped
163. When did you first have sex?
age 16? I THINK i dont remember dates!!!
164. First time you gave/ received oral sex?
same age
165. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to?
no
167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)?
rock lee still best babe
168. How many followers do you have on tumblr? What about twitter/ instagram?
175 tumblr and 200 and something on twitter i think
169. Are you friend with your parents on Facebook?
nop
170. First time you thought you were in love? When did you realize that you werenât actually in love with that person?
11Âș grade
171. Do you talk to yourself?
all the time
172. How old will you be on your next birthday?
21
173. How did you meet the last person you kissed?
twitter and memes
174. Do you have any hickies? not right now
175. Turn ons? gentle touches
176. Turn offs?stupid jokes in the middle
177. What qualities did you get from your mom? nose up is my moms, im caring and loving and defend my loved ones
178. What qualities did you get from your dad? didnt had the chance to know but..im tall?
179. How many siblings do you have? 1 brother
180. Have you ever taken anyoneâs virginity? yes
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iâve finally almost gotten to the place in persona 3 where i stopped playing a couple years ago. just got to october, and i stopped some time in november in my first playthrough
itâs interesting to revisit shinjiroâs death a couple years later, because that death was one of the few things i remembered with any kind of detail. i remember being very angry at the storyline that had a ten-year-old kid plot revenge for the death of his mother. couldnât really understand that urge/the fact that that kind of storyline was coming from a TEN YEAR OLD
and iâm still not a fan, but i am a little less directly angry with ken. the first time, i wasnât expecting it, and so i was just angry that ken got shinjiro into a situation where he was killed lol. i had a lot more sympathy for ken this time around, when i knew what was coming the whole time, and could remind myself more rationally that ken didnât actually kill shinjiro
really where i disagree with the writing around shinjiroâs death the most is around the aftermath, primarily around akihikoâs reaction. first of all, BULLSHIT on the fact that akihiko was like âwe need to stop treating ken like a kidâ because HE IS A KID!!!! what are you talking about!!!! âhe needs to make his own decisionsâ like OKAY i get that you want to respect his autonomy but....he was just a kid who plotted a revenge-murder of a high schooler who killed his mom in front of him, only to watch in horror as that high schooler THROWS HIMSELF IN FRONT OF A GUNSHOT TO SAVE THE KIDâS LIFE and then died in front of the kid. thereâs no acknowledgement of the trauma, because theyâre trying to treat this precocious ten-year-old like heâs an adult, when frankly, no adult would go through that without some trauma!! itâs just dumb. and i can forgive the sees members for some of it, because this is a bunch of high schoolers dealing with some heavy shit with no good adult supervision (lol @ ikutsuki), and theyâre all just kids themselves, so i canât really blame them for not knowing the best way to handle it and stumbling through on their own
also, what makes it worse is that it was literally just revealed that ken was suicidal/wanted to die like, just a while before, and tbf none of the other sees members knew, but i knew as the audience, and so to have akihiko go like âwell, heâs gonna do what heâs gonna doâ was so jarring and distressing. GET THIS KID SOME HELP! but. whatever. and then ken of course decides to come back and has a new resolve, and itâs treated as though thatâs the really strong thing to do and not a definitely unhealthy lack of concern for mental well-being. âiâm strong so iâm not going to let the multiple traumatic events/my suicidal ideations (as a ten-year-old!) distract me from our missionâ
also, back to direct reactions to shinjiroâs death, and maybe this is more personal preference, but i really Cannot Relate at all to akihikoâs resolution in the face of it. i remember that disconnect was jarring to me when i first played it years ago too. because heâs sad, and then very quickly heâs not sad because âitâs what shinjiro would have wantedâ. and i just canât relate to how quick he came to terms with the death, because this was literally akihikoâs oldest friend. and when the otherâs express sadness, heâs like, donât be sad, itâs what shinjiro wanted. LIKE WTF it is still sad??? i just think a better balance between acceptance and grief could have been found, because i really feel like they jumped over the majority of the grief that i would expect from shinjiroâs oldest friend, which is very jarring. but. i mean, who knows, maybe that would be realistic to some. it feels like a shortcut to me tho. i like akihiko, but this particular instance really disconnected me from his character
iâve heard that with the female protagonist in p3p, you can do a social link so shinjiro doesnât end up dead. and iâm really curious how that plays out (/why the social link changes it). i just wanna be able to say âYOUâRE A HIGH SCHOOLER, YOUâRE NOT SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE YOUR DEATH IS THE BEST WAY THINGS CAN PLAY OUT ( :( )â
anyway, some other thoughts while iâm here:
my vague recollection of p3 having some social links with ppl who werenât really good people was correct. or maybe i should say, werenât people i really found sympathetic. like, the devil link with the shady businessman (which i still havenât completed), or the magician link with the classmate kenji (he has called me SO MANY TIMES, and i have turned him down every time, because if thereâs going to links i donât complete, i am fine with one of them being his. i just.....am not interested in his quest to fuck his teacher, i donât enjoy it. i know i completed his in my last playthrough, but i canât remember how it resolves but....god i could not care less about kenji). then thereâs the hermit link with the teacher online (sheâs so annoying lol, and i hate that she tells protag that she has a crush on the irl him, like, fuck off. also, sheâs such a bad/unsympathetic teacher, it made me really miss kawakami, who had flaws but was ultimately a good teacher imo). oh, then thereâs the emperor link with hidetoshi on the student council who....lol, thatâs another link i completed last time but have barely touched this time, because i really dislike him. i kinda remember him softening towards the end of the link, but so much of the first part is just about enabling him being a tyrannical class council member which is not fun. and i ultimately like the tower/monk link, but heâs another character who....doesnât really seem like that nice of a person. but i do like him because he likes the protag
the other links for the most part are good. itâs interesting the differences between p5 and p3 social links, because p5 had a definite theme to all of the links (/the whole game lol) where they were all ultimately good people who were misunderstood/unfairly judged/treated somehow (altho i havenât done the iwai link all the way through, i imagine it ends up similarly because heâs a somewhat decent person âdoing evil to combat evilâ iirc). but thereâs no real theme for the p3 links as far as i can tell. which makes sense, because in p5 there is a specific reason to have links with them all because they end up helping you, and they all end up as accomplices to all of the crimes the thieves commit lol
i really dislike that you have to romance all of your female classmates in order to complete their social links. what is friendship lol. really really really makes it feel a whole lot cheaper, and really makes it hard for me to care. very glad they stopped making that a requirement in p3p and beyond
what also make it hard for me to care?? the blank and unemotional p3 protagonist lol. i really have a hard time connecting to him, because he doesnât really do much?? heâs just a blank wall for all of the social links, and it really disconnects me from the emotions of it. some girl will be confessing her feelings to him, and iâm just like, hm, fascinating, who cares, heâs gonna go on a date with another girl tomorrow. it doesnât feel real to me at all. maybe iâm just totally unfairly biased toward p5 (and i donât want to compare endlessly, bc p5 is newer and clearly theyâve made many improvements over the years, but itâs the easiest comparison at hand), but when someone talked to joker about how much he meant to them, i bought into it a lot more than i do with mr. low energy, the p3 protag. joker felt like an actual character to me, that i could care about, who i could understand/imagine his feelings and reactions to things. but for the p3 protag, itâs a lot of, well, i GUESS he COULD care about shinjiro dying, but you sure as heck have to read a whole lot into it to get to that conclusion, because the strongest reaction you can make him have to it is to have him tell the callous students at the assembly to âshut up.â which is nice, but hardly anything at all lol. i just find him difficult to project my emotions onto him in the game, unlike joker, who i didnât have as much trouble believing in his genuine feeling for the people he talked to. i think also, people reacted to joker in a much more specific way that made him more real than the p3 protag, who kind of feels like a ghost most times, except for his social links where he shows up just to say exactly what the other person wants to hear lol. idk, iâm looking forward to replaying p5 and paying more attention to joker this time
(my feelings on the p3 protag are gonna be interesting come end-game, because if i understand correctly from the vague spoilers iâve gotten about p3, the protag is gonna sacrifice himself to save the world. i keep trying to remind myself/play with that in mind, because i donât think someone would sacrifice himself if he was actually as unemotional and detached as he sometimes comes across as)
80% of my rage at this game comes from being unable to control my specific party members in battle and so they do things that i donât want them to, 10% comes from enemy advantage attacks (especially when i swing at them, but they hit me first), 9% comes from this game challenging me/punishing me for being underleveled when iâm playing on easy and donât want any challenge at all because i want to get past the silly fighting business and back to social links/story, and a special 1% goes to the sleeping table boss in tartarus, which definitely was a primary punisher for me being underleveled and caused me to yell angrily at my screen yesterday
oh, ikutsuki. itâs funny, because p3 was the first persona game i played, and very early on, i was like, i donât trust ikutsuki at all, so when the reveal came that you should not, in fact, trust ikutsuki, i wasnât at all surprised. but itâs funny to replay it, knowing that persona likes the âthis guy is not what he seemsâ trope, and realize that...there wasnât really a specific giveaway instance where ikutsuki said something that was off (a la pancakes, or adachi showing up to a private conversation with interesting timing), it was just a sort of feeling i got about this weird adult who was having these high schoolers be responsible for saving the world, apparently. he really is a terrible terrible advisor though, lol, even knowing heâs evil. itâs sad to realize that the only adult help these kids have got is someone who is absolutely not on their side, and theyâre truly on their own
#talking to myself#katherine plays persona#this is so many run on sentences with my thoughts about p3#also mentions of#suicide /#I'VE TURNED INTO A PERSONA BLOG RECENTLY sorry @ the 99% of my followers who aren't interested in that
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